stress baby

i’ve determined, that since stress is known to make you produce more cortisol and cortisol is found to increase ‘brown belly fat’ – the fat that you gain around your midsection is a stress baby… just like you have food babies?? well… i have a stress baby… and i posted a pic on Facebook and all my friends are like what?!? there’s nothing there and getting upset  with me for complaining about it… but when i look down and see my stomach protruding as much as my boobs do… that’s a problem… so it doesn’t show up on my pic… it’s still there and it’s causing me distress. .  . . hence the juice diet.

although today has been so stressful i’m about to change my juice diet to just wine.

that’s juice.

it’s fruit.

just fermented.

same difference right?? fermentation is better for you right?? see: kombucha.

anyways. whatever.

last night i took the zucchini I had that was about to go bad and the rest of my kale that wouldn’t last much longer and a lemon I happened to have on hand and juiced that… this morning I added it to my breakfast juice/smoothie along with some chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, carrot juice, 1/4 avocado (good fats – ya know?) and 2 tbsp of my greek yogurt.

it’s 1:42 pm … I just ate (drank?) it… that was my breakfast. outside of my coffee.. it was pretty good…

i’ve been adding water to the juices to make them a bit thinner and fill up my mason jars… haha

i didn’t weigh myself yesterday before i started this diet. . . journey… hell? haha

today i just want to eat ALL the bad foods… i’m so stressed.

i used to never be a stress eater… i couldn’t eat if i wasn’t hungry – it made me sick…

age changes things i guess… i don’t like it.


Juicing; round: who knows

So….I have gotten pretty fat since I injured my ankle in December of 2014.  If you weren’t aware – that happened, and it didn’t get better until August 2015; but during that time I was getting out of active duty navy and moving back to florida and dealing with all the stressors surrounding that (including homelessness and joblessness!! fun times!!)

I have attempted to run again a few times, but, while i have the motivation (looking in the mirror makes me want to vomit) i don’t have the willpower or energy. I am still exhausted all the time… i thought it was due to the navy; and while it very well may be; according to the dr i saw a couple weeks ago – it will take my body a few years to get over the beating it took … i was hoping it would end. . . now my job is even MORE stressful than NCTAMS ever was… and i don’t get paid much to deal with it…

my ankle still does actually cause me problems when I run… if i don’t wear a brace, and sometimes even when i do…

i’m making excuses. just get out there and do it fatty. . .

i know. i need to.

i need to. i want to… i just….. can’t bring myself to do it…

so anyways; i’m starting a juice diet in the hopes of helping elevate my energy levels…

which to normal person might not make sense. – on the outside it looks like i eat healthy, i don’t eat tons … i don’t partake in junk food THAT often, and when I do – I try to keep even that healthy… but… i’m at a certain weight… i’m actually maintaining that weight sort of… just fluctuations that are normal…


so juicing.

which is a hassle and it is messy and it is time consuming…

so we were at the store last night to get some random stuff we needed and i told husband hey i’m going to get produce so i can start juicing again… he said well wouldn’t it be more cost effective to go to sam’s ? well, probably – so he says, why don’t we do it this way for now – see how it works, and picked up 3 bottles of pre-made juices… from Bolthouse farms.  one of them is carrot… just 100% carrot juice… the other two are mostly fruit… which is not how juicing is supposed to be —- for an effective juice regimen you need to do 80% veggies, and 20% fruits… so; my plan is to cut the juices with the veggies I *do* have right now (namely kale and spinach) so this morning i “made” six juices… maybe… maybe only 5.

my breakfast juice/smoothie consisted of 8 oz of carrot juice and a handful of spinach, a handful of kale, chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, and 2 tbsp of vanilla greek yogurt.
it was decent… thicker than juice, but thinner than a smoothie…

i then combined kale and spinach into 8 oz of the blue goodness and green goodness (separately) and then i combined 6 oz of green with 2 oz carrot and some more kale and spinach…

they aren’t bad. I hope they do some good at reducing the constant bloat i have been dealing with; and the lack of energy i have, and then some weight loss…

I was going to walk this morning, but it was storming, so that didn’t happen….

besides… it’s so difficult to wake up!!!

but, we’ll see how this works… if i get a chance, maybe i’ll update this … but maybe not…

nice talking to you readers:)

forgive the scattered incohesiveness (is that a word?) of this blog and the typos and lack of capitalization …

at least i got all i wanted out of my head!!!


DIY Blueprint Juice Cleanse

I’m on day 4 of this juice cleanse… it’s a diy blueprint cleanse — as the bpc costs hundreds of dollars (insane!!) and there’s a plethora of diy stuff online, I figured I’d find one myself… and didn’t realize that last year when I researched juice cleanses I had decided this had too much fruits… it doesn’t really… as I got all the stuff together and there were only some apples and lemons, so I’m not sure why I had that thought last year…
so I’m on day 4, and I’m down 4 pounds… granted most of it is probably water weight, but… yesterday when I looked at myself (didn’t take/post any pics) my stomach was a lot flatter than it has been lately…
not that I’ve been eating inherently unhealthy (often) but it’s just really fat lately… it’s disgusting…
and before you get upset b/c I’m saying something on me is fat – note – -my fat is different than your fat. my body – different than yours, my ideals for myself are different than yours, or the ones I even judge others by… I have body dysmorphia (sp?) big time… it might not truly be severe, but **shrug** I don’t know, I just know that I see myself VERY differently than others see me… we are our own harshest critics and all that, but this goes above and beyond that…
anyways, I was unable to work out for a few months due to an ankle injury and my weight just ballooned. it’s disgusting… I look in the mirror and want to cry… I can’t run still, but I can work out, and I’m trying to do cardio, but it does hurt… I should try swimming, but then I’d have to put a swimsuit on, and I can’t do that…
anyways, so day 4 is a 24 hour shift at work. the actual cleanse itself calls for no solid foods for the duration of the cleanse, which actually might be only 3 – 5 days, but i’m trying for 10…
but it’s a 24 hour day… that I’ll be awake.. .ALL. DAY. and NIGHT… so, I cut up a lot of fresh veggies and will supplement if I need to… but, I’m hoping I don’t have to…
I figure if I do, then at least it’s healthy stuff!! carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, and mini peppers
no fruits – so no extra sugars (yes I’m aware that some veggies have a sugar content, more than likely the carrots and peppers over the cauli/broccoli) but…. it’s all natural, so it’s at least healthier than added sugars…
I’m craving all sorts of things, and I have strayed . . . because my schedule is wonky and I have appointments all over the place and trainings and such, so I don’t get to drink a prescribed juice at a certain time… I haven’t been awful, but on Friday, I had a cracker during the day, and 3 French fries that night, we went out, I was up much later than normal, and didn’t have my last ‘juice’ of the day (which is a home made cashew milk) so I was STARVING and husband ordered some fries… (loaded… omgggg) but I thought only 3 fries was a pretty good feat given that I’m a potato fiend!!! and the cracker was during a training during the day b/c I couldn’t grab my juice since it was in a different building. . .
on Saturday I had a couple of cashews, but I figure this isn’t so bad b/c they’re part of the milk I make for the end of the day… I just grabbed a couple out of the ones I was putting aside for the mix… so, last year when I did the cleanse, I beat myself up if I strayed… this time, i’m not doing that… my sanity is more important … so, i’m not even eating a quarter of a serving of the 3 times I strayed, just a bite basically… **shrug** judge me if you will… tell me it defeats the entire purpose, but failure would be not finishing it, and I have every intention of doing so…

on friendships in the military

have I written this before?

I feel like I might have,

but seeing as i’m still in the military, I still have feelings on it. . .

today one of my friends pulled out for deployment… and a home port shift

what does this mean?

this means, that more than likely I will never see her again.

it’s all fine and good and what not when you don’t ever see people you went to boot camp with or school with, but, if you’ve known someone for a few years, that is when it sucks…

and when you’re stationed at a command with someone and become good friends with them, and transfers happen, or people get out… you, more than likely will never see that person again.

you keep in touch via facebook, sometimes text… ((because who calls anyone these days??!))

and then one day you notice they’re no longer in your news feed…



Ten years ago…

the world was pretty different…

although, I’m sure it was not as different as it seems…

I don’t remember all the crazy technology, and the sense of entitlement that abounded…

but I could just have been sheltered from it all…

10 years ago — the world had you…

and all the wonderful things you did for everyone in your life…

today, it doesn’t…

and hasn’t… for 10 years…

that’s an entire decade…

I wonder sometimes how things would be if you were still here…

I mean, not that I’d change parts of my life now — I am in love with an amazing man, and I didn’t think back then that it would be possible…

but, I wonder what actually would be different…

and . . . all we were was friends ((great, amazing friends, but friends nonetheless))

when I wonder what would be different I also wonder about your family that was actually blood… (and marriage)

of course, I don’t even know how they are now, but would we all still be friends??

I mean, I totally understand if not… things happen, people change, time marches on…

well. except…

not always…

anyways, I wish I could lay 10 white roses on your grave today…

i’ll always remember you… and i’ll always miss you. . .

Rest in Peace always April Christine Wheeler

7/3/75 – 2/25/05

Black Bean Brownie Bites

black bean brownies


mixxy mixxy

20150121_143945 (( it’s not in the recipe, but i sprayed the pan with the grapeseed oil (which is why it’s in the picture) to prevent sticking of course))


Sweet & Smoky Chili

1 lb ground meat – browned and seasoned with smoked paprika and chili powder
2 green peppers – diced (sauté if desired)
1 large onion diced (sauté if desired)
1 can fire roasted diced tomatoes
2 roma tomatoes, diced
1 small can tomato paste
2 cans dark red kidney beans or chili beans
½ cup barbecue sauce (hickory smoked)
½ cup brown sugar
1 tbsp minced garlic
1 tsp masala ((See link))
2 tsp chili powder
3 tsp cocoa powder
½ tsp cayenne powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp smoked chipotle pepper sauce
1 tbsp Worcestershire sauce

Mix together in crock pot and cook on low for 8 hours. Can cook on high for 3 hours also…
Serve with cheese & a dollop of sour cream

I vary this recipe almost every time I make it… the tandoori masala spice – while is only a small amount, adds an amazing depth and flavor. today I sautéed the onions with garlic… and I sautéed the green peppers, separately, though… one of them was just in olive oil.. the other was in olive oil and liquid smoke… I added the chipotle pepper sauce today and the Worcestershire sauce… it’s just SO good!!!!!!!! I can’t stop eating it!! and neither can people in my section!! it’s sweet and smoky, but not overly sweet… but you can definitely add whatever spices and stuff you want… like more cayenne, or peppers of the spicy sort…
try it out, and let me know your variations!!:)

Repost… Summer Corn Chowder

Corn Chowder

i feel that this post needs to be redone.
1. the link in the original post doesn’t work any longer
2. if you follow the link’s recipe and then go back to mine, you may miss the tweaked steps that i feel make the recipe worthwhile…
so, here goes.

2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp butter — BUTTER. DON’T USE MARGARINE… that’s horrible
1 large onion, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced
1 red bell pepper, diced
2 large red potatoes, diced, (not peeled, peeled, it’s up to you – i keep my skin on b/c nutrients baby…)
1 leek, diced (make sure you rinse this REALLY well, you don’t want dirt/sand throughout your entire dish)
1 bag frozen corn
2 cans cream corn (you could keep this out and just use 2 bags of frozen corn, but i feel that it makes the creaminess of the dish)
4 slices bacon
2 chicken breasts – cut into small chunks
2 plum tomatoes, seeded and cut into small chunks
1 cup half and half
5 cups veggie/chicken broth
3 tbsp flour
1/2 cup thinly slivered fresh basil leaves
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp smoked paprika

cook your bacon to desired crispness, set aside – do not drain pan
take your cut up leeks, onions and peppers and brown them in the bacon grease
set your veggies aside and throw your chicken into the oil…
while that’s cooking, crumble up your bacon
in a large pot, throw the onion and leeks in with the butter and olive oil. i know they are already cooked, but bear with me here…
allow the oil and butter to coat them and then throw the flour in and let cook for 3 – 5 minutes, stirring constantly
add the broth, chicken, bacon and potatoes, bring to a boil. reduce the heat to medium and cook, partially covered ((what is that?!?! i just put the lid on it and stirred it occasionally)) for 10 – 15 minutes until potatoes are tender. then add the corn, peppers, spices, and half and half. cook over low heat for about 10 minutes. throw in the tomatoes and basil and stir. let sit for about 3 minutes.
serve and enjoy!:)

NO! SLEEP! TIL! ((not brooklyn))

so… if you know me, you know my schedule is, well… I don’t even have words for what my schedule is…
regardless – – i do know, that i’m exhausted.
… the time.

b/c – every six days, i have duty… no big deal you say… right, it’s not. i signed up for it yadi yada yada… blah blah blah.
what i didn’t sign up for, though, is to go over 24 hours without sleep…
i will give them credit, they changed our shifts. they used to be at least 24 hours, but more often than not, it was AT LEAST 32 hours.
and we could sleep at work.
if the section had the manning, and there weren’t trouble calls, and you could actually sleep at work…
i took to attempting to sleep in my car, but for awhile, sleep wasn’t possible due to manning issues and shit going wrong…
and then i finally did start getting between 2 to 4 hours of sleep… which really, just made me ill, so i stopped doing that… but then i couldn’t do it anymore, i had to get SOME sleep, so i was doing 3 to 4 hours, and while it was wreaking havoc on my body, i suppose it was less havoc than no sleep…
anyways, like i said, they changed our shifts. we don’t come in until 3:30 pm the day of duty, and we leave around 8:30 the next morning…
but. we can’t sleep.
that’s fine and dandy… you can say what you like, we did anyways…
until this morning when people got caught sleeping and it wasn’t a pretty situation… ((it wasn’t JUST the fact they were sleeping, i’m told))
so now, there’s a big deal about not sleeping…
but here’s the thing
here’s my example that i’m giving out while discussing this with co-workers tonight.
for duty on friday:
you want me to work monday thru thursday 7:30 am to 3:30 pm. ok – no big deal.
but – at the end of the day on thursday – i’m tired, just like i am at the end of every day. i need to go to bed…
granted i go to bed a LITTTTTTTLE bit later, but i’ve been up and running all day .. . i need sleep… i sleep in until 9 or 10 on friday … and then i just can’t sleep anymore, and more often than not – that sleep is disturbed and not solid, consistent sleep… but i get up and then do whatever it is i do throughout the day, and then go to work…
do you know how difficult it is to stay up until 9ish the next morning!?!?! not to mention – not safe, and not healthy??
we have to drive home after our shift. in traffic usually, and the bright morning sun…
with. no. sleep.
which has been proven to be just as bad as driving drunk.

also… we have six sections right now. we had four when we did shift work.. .but they claim we don’t have enough people to go back to four.
isn’t four less than six?!??
seems legit.

Delicious Turkey and Kale Soup

so, the other night – as per usual when i cook… i was trying to figure out what to make…
sometimes i definitely have something in mind…
sometimes.. .((more often than not)) i don’t…
so we had just gone grocery shopping (which means i absolutely can’t go out to eat that night – right?? …sigh…)
i had some ground turkey that was ready to be used (read: not frozen like the chicken i forgot to lay out)
so i browsed some recipes and couldn’t really come up with anything worthy.. i had seen a turkey meatball and kale soup that looked interesting, but it took way to long to cook, so that was out of the question
(i use so a lot… hmmm)
i chopped up some onions and it ended up being a lot of onion (it was about half a large one) . . . and decided that was too much to throw in with some turkey,
ok… sweet potato — ok, chopped that up and threw it in with the onions that were browning up… (maybe a little olive oil also…)
and of course some garlic – because what meal is complete without garlic??
and i had the turkey going in another pan, i threw some mild smoked spanish paprika on it b/c why not!?
so, i had this stuff cooking… and i just couldn’t figure out what to do with it…
i have some fresh kale and i threw that in the potato and onion mixture…
and was just looking back and forth from pan to pan…
now what??
mix it together?
will that even be good?? or just a big old mess?
hmmm… look through the cabinets… and i have a can of coconut milk.. .
which reminds me, i need to get more… oops
threw that in with the potato mixture while the turkey continued to cook
decided that it was tooooo thick, so i filled the can that the milk was in with some chicken broth and added that to it
and then i threw my turkey in to the mix and seasoned with salt and pepper and a tablespoon of lime juice
i don’t have pictures… sorry.
it was tooooo good, and there was hardly enough for us to eat at lunch the next day and it didn’t look as pretty after it had been refrigerated ((still tasted just as good though!!!))
so – it’s definitely something you have to try!!!
if you want it less fattening – i guess you could cut the coconut milk down and increase the chicken broth…
but i’m not sure it will taste as delicious:):):)

1 lb ground turkey
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 large sweet potato – peeled and cubed
1/2 large onion – chopped finely
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 cups kale – chopped to preference
1 can coconut milk ( i don’t know how large this can is – probably 12-20 oz; i know that’s a large range, but i honestly am not sure, it is, however, the regular size can, not the little one)
the same amount of chicken broth as your coconut milk can
salt and pepper to taste

in a separate pan – cook your turkey and season with the paprika

in a different pan – heat olive oil on medium heat and throw in your onions, wait a few minutes and add potatoes and garlic
cook until potatoes are semi-firm
add kale
cook until wilted
add coconut milk
add chicken broth
stir together and let cook for about five minutes
add cooked (and drained if necessary) turkey
stir together and then add salt, pepper, and lime juice.
let simmer for 5 minutes to let the tastes meld together.

serve and enjoy
this will probably make 6 normal size servings . . . however, i’m not quite certain my serving sizes are normal…


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