Did you know that farouche can mean wild or shy ? how very different…

anyways- I wanted a random unusual word to name a post that is random… no real direction here. (I lied – this is all about my new job…but it wasn’t going to be when I started)

I start my new job on Monday – I am both nervous and scared… and a bit excited… this is going to sound hokey – but hear me out. a couple weeks ago – before I had this interview set up – I was at a professional women’s networking event. we had a speaker who wanted us to write our mission statement. I was bummed… I had no idea what to put; I think we were given 7 minutes, and for the first 6 1/2 I just sat there tapping my pen to the paper… and being frustrated, the last 30 seconds I wrote beautify and creativity… then came up with: to make the world a better place by providing compassion, generosity, and beauty through creativity. ok.. so?
well, the next day I was contacted about an interview opportunity for an unposted job position – through a contact… I didn’t know exactly what it was for at first…(I don’t think…I could be mistaken…it’s been a rough month) anyways – I go for the interview – and it’s a Marketing position at United Way… and I think the interview goes pretty awful; she says she has another one the next day and will get in touch with me at the end of the week… well; she contacts me THAT night and asks me to come in the next day to meet with more people… yikes… but good sign… so I go in… and they ask me all sorts of questions, and as I did not go to school for marketing – I don’t have the answers; but of course – I can learn them… and I tell them as such… and the interview ends; they tell me they’ll contact me at the end of the week… I think it went AWFUL… and the other two ladies hate me…
but —
I get contacted by the end of the night – and they want to offer me the position!!!


anyways – we’ll see how it goes…. it is just so coincidental that my very last minute “mission statement” correlates EXACTLY with this position and the company…

so – I negotiated a reasonably decent salary and raise within 90 days… and there you have it and there you are…

sometimes life is just weird. . .

A little bit about a lot

so right now – I have so very much I could be doing, but I keep wanting to write a post, and there have been several different topics going through my head… so this will probably be a mashup of all of them.

first – I graduated last month (whoa – I had to check the dates…) literally over a month ago now… (by 1 day) … and then a month ago I left for Germany. Today is my first actual day back at home, without having to prepare for another trip. I was hoping beyond all hope that I would be starting my new career this week… unfortunately, that isn’t happening… I have only had 3 interviews, and I thought I rocked them…. but – I have not heard back from anyone – not even a hey, sorry – you sucked, we’re going with someone else…. I have gotten the rejection from every other job I have applied for that I haven’t interviewed for… so … that’s fun… 😦
I think I give pretty good interviews. I am witty, happy, funny, optimistic, and — not to brag, but I am at least decently smart… and let’s be honest – putting on that show is exhausting when you are dealing with depression and anxiety… I am absolutely exhausted when I get home… but I send out my thank you notes, and I wait… and then I send out my follow up notes and I wait… and …. nothing. . . that’s discouraging… which causes the depression to ramp up… as well as the anxiety – b/c that’s not how this was all supposed to work. I was supposed to get my degree and then kick ass in the professional world. and then start taking care of my husband… who has sacrificed so much for me while I was in the navy… it’s frustrating… and disheartening… ((so hey — if you wanna send out some good vibes my way – I would truly appreciate it))

and of course – I wrote about the topic giving me the most grief in my life right now, and I can’t think of anything else I wanted to write about – except my weight issues – but I don’t wanna talk about that right now… other than stating this –
it is such a vicious cycle for women (mostly) when we have had the perfect body ideals drilled into our heads from a young age – and the struggle we endure to try to get there – it makes life difficult to enjoy – many events we celebrate or enjoy revolve around food – and given that food is the mortal enemy of women who can’t lose weight easily — it’s the worst struggle. it just sucks. no, thanks, I can’t enjoy that delicious potato/pasta/dessert/etc b/c my waistline won’t appreciate it, unless I put in extra time at the gym ((BUT — why should this be the caveat–Unfair.))… and some lucky women are blessed with the ability to lose weight easily, or keep weight off just through exercising (and still eating what they want) when I was younger, I could do that – maybe… I don’t even remember at this point… but as I have gotten older- everything has gotten infinitely more difficult – as it does… but that is another discouraging factor in life. . . add to the equation – my body hurts ALL THE FUCKING TIME anymore and I am ALWAYS exhausted – working out is so much harder in general – working out to lose weight instead of maintain – MURDEROUS. . .

why does being a female have to be so annoying??

What a waste

So, I have been sick for the last two weeks. I had the flu last week; and I didn’t get it treated… thusly it turned into “post infectious issues” according to the dr I went to on Thursday… everyone has been telling me to rest; but – yo – I got things to do… life, school, housework, the like. . . so I didn’t rest – plus I had drill (reserve duty) last weekend – so that was nonstop. . . Thursday I could hardly function; so I went to a walk in clinic; they tested me for flu and strep, both negative, but I was coughing to the point of vomiting in the office.(that was fun) so obviously something was wrong… they gave me a shot of antibiotics, and a dose of liquid steroids to calm the inflammation that was in my chest, lungs, sinuses… and the doc said to rest… yeah. ok. I get it; but she gave me a dr note for Thursday and Friday… so … I feel like that was kind of a lot… so I rested. except I did as much as I could in between the bouts of resting … but today (Saturday) I just can’t function. I have literally slept most of the day… I want to sleep some more… but right now I am not… but I probably will in about an hour… I even had a very slight fever today ((and that was after taking Tylenol…so it was probably higher)) I just feel completely worn out… blaaahhhhhh

this day has been a complete waste… I have gotten absolutely nothing done… and husband hasn’t wanted to disturb me so he hasn’t done much either… though he did go get me some chicken noodle soup for dinner; which was very sweet… but I am going to be so stressed come Monday when the week begins again, and nothing was done over the weekend… tomorrow we have to go up to Siesta Key to meet my cousin… so that’s nerve wracking, but also is going to take up most the day… hopefully I’m not feeling like I am right now!!

Winning Powerball Ticket Sold!


unfortunately, I forgot to buy tickets – I had asked husband if he wanted to since Powerball was @ $750 million and he said yes — but I asked him what numbers, and he didn’t answer; and then I forgot… bummer…but congrats to the winner — maybe it’s a friend or relative of husbands (Wisconsin…) and they’re very generous and want to pay off all our debt so we can worry about buying a house… worry… focus? not that it matters – we can’t do anything about that til June 1 anyways in our agreement with our landlord… and at that point, we’re not sure either… (our lease doesn’t expire til NEW YEARS EVE…)

anyways – that’s not what this blog is about.

there is no actual point to this blog.

but –

hi! 🙂

have a fantastic pre-Friday.

Sunday, St Patrick’s Day 2019

know what I am doing all afternoon? and all night? … writing a stupid 8-12 page paper about …. wait for it….


Olive Garden…

12 pages on a restaurant that I absolutely don’t go to… don’t like…

NOT included in that page count is a table of contents, appendices, summary page (?!!??), and charts and tables… uhhhmmmm… yuck.

I’m sure you’re thinking well, you shouldn’t have procrastinated… {oh I didn’t tell you it was due Tuesday for a presentation on Wednesday}BUT – the fact of the matter is – I didn’t. I started it over spring break… but … it’s a hard paper to write… it really is… *sigh* and it’s so much easier to write a blog post than it is to write this damn paper… 😦

Fate – Miracle – Good Luck!

so. . . let me start this with saying, I am a little bummed that no one commented yesterday that has been here from the beginning… but – hey whatevs… also – don’t be afraid to comment – I will interact – just don’t be a dick! 🙂

anyways – the title –

a few months ago I lost my jean jacket… I thought I left it at school… and had no hope of recovering it… I went through the long, arduous process of finding a new one…

the perfect article of clothing is hard to find… the perfect jean jacket – even more so. . . it has to fit well, be perfectly distressed, and look good… and not be extremely expensive… that- in and of itself is a chore…

anyways — I lost it. I was sad. I found a new one that I did not like nearly as much… but it worked… and then… I lost ownership of it… I know where it is and who has it … but I no longer have access to it… so I was dreading the process of having to find another one… and — without the help of anyone b/c I have lost both of my shopping friends, and the other female friends I have left are way too busy to assist me… so I would have had to face the ordeal alone… and I was just not looking forward to it… but I realllllly needed another jean jacket…

Fast forward to last night. husband and I went to pinball as to give him a break from the stress of his job… we haven’t been in a very long time… I haven’t been in a much longer time than him due to school… so I am sitting there last night, and my old boss (who runs the whole thing) comes up to me and says “oh hey – we have your jacket in the lost and found… ” um… what?? I said um ok, I have NO idea what you’re talking about… and he returns with my long lost jacket that I thought I had left at school!!! I was so happy I shrieked with delight!! It’s been there all this time!! Which is a super long time… I am sure I have even been there after I lost it… I was SO happy!!! The co-owner said that they had almost given it to Goodwill, but her daughter said no- it’s a nice jacket; if no one claims it I WANT IT…

Mr Boss said that I had messaged him awhile back and asked about it – I said um, no – I asked about someone else’s jacket and that was TWO years ago!! I even checked my messages… LOL… he was astounded – and just kept asking me – how did I know it was yours?? I kept telling him – Dude. I wore it ALL THE TIME when I worked here… he kept brushing off that idea… but it had to be the truth… because the thought never occurred to me that it was there. I was absolutely positive it was at school, and some other girl just got her day made… but no — mine did yesterday! 🙂

yay for happy endings!!

a pain revisited

so, who’s been along for this ride since the beginning?

anyone here?

well, I started this blog many years ago b/c I was dealing with an undiagnosed, unbearable pain that began in my hip area… this blog was my way of dealing with the things that life threw at me, as I was away from my husband, and being thrown about in the torturous seas of being a student in the confines of Great Lakes Naval Training Station… it was not a fun time… it was actually the reason that my life changed the way it did. my husband, who was not supposed to move to Chicago, ended up having to, b/c I was having such a hard time, they couldn’t figure out what was going on, I was getting worse, and at one point I was on crutches b/c I couldn’t walk… it was a bad time…

well, the reason I am asking this question about who is here from then – the pain came back this morning… I have been dealing with the back pain for months, I had a couple twinges in my hip, but this morning I woke up and it was like hey bitch what’s up… long time no see, I am here for the moment… I am not pleased this is happening… we never even got it figured out last time!! I am just hoping this is a one time occurrence… I took 2 ibuprofen (800mg each) and the dr put me on steroids for inflammation that I started this morning… so we’ll see what happens… hopefully it goes away. currently I have an ice pack tucked into my underwear so that it stays on my hip instead of me being one handed while I try to get shit done so I can leave for school… ((yeah writing this cuts into my time, but I needed to get it out…)) especially not having f/b as an outlet at this time…

along those lines — my social media ‘diet’ – I am planning on incorporating snapchat back into my life this evening… there are just some things that my bff and I tend to share over video and it’s just easier…

but for now I must go tend to my hip, making my lunch, getting my stuff ready for school, and looking in on my cat who seems like she might end up throwing up any minute… fun times!

Too Damn Young to Feel This Damn Old

How long have you gone with lower back pain affecting your every move? Let me say that I have been dealing with lower back – literally since I was in college THE FIRST TIME — after I graduated high school. I went to the doctor – he said do these stretches, it’s part of getting older… ((he was a shit doctor)). I don’t think that daily pain should be a part of life just because you’re growing older. I have gone through phases where I am super fit – but I still had back pain. Currently I have been going on 3 months with this bout of daily pain… Oddly enough, it all started with Whole30. I did that diet, and my body was in all sorts of pain, and it was weird… it was like everything I had been feeling before was amplified… it was NOT pleasant… but the back pain I had then was worse than my normal day to day back pain I have been dealing with for most of my life… ((which sucks…))

Cue to this week – husband pulled a muscle that has been affecting his back and the stubborn butt won’t go see a damn doctor… but then as I was sitting doing my homework yesterday – feeling in a lot of pain, and lamenting to myself that I was going to join this gym b/c of the lack of down payment – I couldn’t even use it right now because my pain has been elevated for the past couple weeks… so I made a doctor’s appointment. And oddly enough, in the middle of season – on a Monday – they had 2 appointments available. So I went in… doc did a test for kidney function because of the location – but – while I was in there — the pain decided to switch things up and became this intense burning fire next to the area that it was normally radiating from… this was insanely painful… dr thinks it might be a disc since the urinalysis came back “mostly negative” … he said there was a trace amount of blood – but not enough to be worried about kidney function… I’m sorry – there’s not supposed to be ANY blood in my urine — and there is some?? So, why can’t we rule out what ever is causing that – b/c I don’t think that’s normal… but hey – I’m not the doctor…. just the one paying for it… and — ya know — dealing with daily pain…

anyways – I went to get the x-ray and now I wait… in pain… unable to work out, sit without pain, stand without pain, lay down without pain ((sleeping is a joy, let me tell ya))… doc did give me some muscle relaxers and ibuprofen… those did allow me to sleep last night – but I was still in pain… but I was too tired to allow it to keep me up… flexeril and a glass of wine knocks me OUT… I was in bed by 9…

so – anyone got any tips??

I really want to see a boutique doctor. one that goes around to see his patients and listens and actually tries to help them… I have a whole host of issues going on – literally since I turned 40… my body said huh… you’re 40 now ? ok fuck youuuuuuuu…. I’m out… and has quickly been descending into a very bad way … it’s been a month… and so much is going wrong with my body right now – it’s frightening…

Any one else face that?

I’m out – peace !

A case of the mondays

Happy Monday ya’ll.

Hope you had a great weekend.

Mine was pretty uneventful. Husband smoked some ribs yesterday and we had friends over for dinner quite unexpectedly…

smoky smoker

I did have more to write about… but now I have absolutely forgotten… THAT’S THE WORST!!

We made a LOT of soap yesterday – … lots … and I think I am going to have to cut short my Facebook hiatus – because I have the business page that I will have to post the soap on in order to sell it… I mean, yeah I have etsy – but that costs money to post – and Facebook doesn’t… 😦 I will have to figure it out… husband thinks I am crazy for doing this Facebook hiatus… I will have to admit– I really do want to check… but, I haven’t… and it hasn’t been a week yet, so – there’s that. I am being dramatic, I suppose.

on a related note – anyone want to buy some soap?

Friday Fun Day

So, it’s not really friday fun day – those no longer exist… I miss them… but … such is life… friends come and go… maybe I’ll meet someone new to replace those I’ve lost, but I’m getting older, and I doubt that close of a friendship will happen again… who knows…

ANYWAYS that’s NOT why I started this post… I just started reminiscing over the title I gave it… But, I didn’t have another title in mind.

So – update – my hiatus of Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram… I have been good; but it has only been 2 days… well; today is the third – I can’t say I haven’t wanted to look… but – I haven’t. It is insane how hooked on social media we are… (I am??) {admit it — you are too} But I have been good… none of that for me. 🙂 I am kind of proud of myself mainly because I have really wanted to since I wasn’t at school and was working on school work for so long each day.

What do you have planned for the weekend? I don’t have a lot – tomorrow morning I’m finally getting back into the gym. I am joining one that’s right up the road… it’s not very far, but sometimes the traffic is a bear… but, the gym is small, it’s not very busy, and it’s light. Planet Fitness was very dark because of its colors… the purple walls lent to a bit of a dismal experience. And even when it wasn’t busy – it was just so crowded… the staff wasn’t very helpful, and this gym seems like it will be different. So – here’s hoping that I get thin sooner than later!!

Tonight for dinner I am going all out… last night’s dinner was AWFUL. It was just not good… So, I am attempting to make up for it tonight… I got my husband his favorite steak, making some lemon-bacon broccolini, and potato roses… potato roses?? Whhhaaaatttt?? It was something I saw on pinterest… and I’m attempting it tonight… this was my first attempt —

this thing is HUGE

It was WAY too big – I knew it wasn’t going to cook in any reasonable amount of time… but it’s pretty!!! the recipe calls for strips of bacon and potatoes rolled up after being seasoned appropriately… and then bake them in a muffin tin… after I disassembled the super huge one ((seriously — so big)) I made them smaller… they’re not quite as pretty, but let’s hope they taste good!!

not as pretty – but also – should cook quicker

these definitely aren’t as pretty… and i tied them up with baker’s twine and threw them on a sheet pan – because that’s what I have… right now they’re done, except the topping of cheese. I’m going to wait til closer to when the husband is on his way home… and I’m going to throw them under the broiler to melt the cheese and hopefully it ensures the bacon is fully cooked.

One more thing — my friends got engaged a couple weeks ago, and we had them over to celebrate this weekend. I made a very last minute decision to make them an engagement gift… I wasn’t that pleased with the way they came out – but they seemed to like them, and my husband told me that I did a very good job at creating them… the bummer thing is — I can’t post them on my business page… because I’m off the Book of Faces … dammit…

Champagne Flute Set

It’s a set of champagne flutes – two of them have their names on them – one with her name first, one with his name first. they all have a set of entwined hearts, the ones with their names have a smaller set, and the other ones have a larger set. the bottom of all the glasses has a heart with the word love within it. They are pretty – but I was really hoping the etching cream would have been more solid. . . but I was told that it added an artistic flair. . . so, there’s that….

So, that’s all I have for today… have a fantastic day/night/weekend!

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