*sigh*

ok, so  i know that by normal people’s standards  i am not fat, and i know it might offend people of a larger stature that i’m going on and on about being overweight — but here’s the deal . . . i am used to being a certain size, i’ve struggled with it for as long as i know, always feeling not thin enough, even when i was severely underweight… i remember looking at a picture the summer i was 23 thinking holy cow i look like an oversized infant, what with a very skinny body and such a large head — but i know that at the time – at 107 pounds, i still did not feel thin enough. . . i see a person in the mirror who is 2 to 3 times my size. . . and it’s just disturbing to me i look down and see all these lumps that weren’t there before, i know that my clothes aren’t fitting b/c of the weight i’ve gained… and it makes me want to vomit… it’s doing all sorts of things to my self esteem (or lack thereof these days) and it’s hindering my personal life with my husband… i mean — as i told him today –i  can’t even stand to look at myself, how can he want to?!? so there is my justification — i am fat — for me,  maybe not by the standards of the real world — but in Toni’s world — it’s not ok…

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About trozellerosio

I am me. that's really all there is to know. I am still figuring out exactly all that entails, but I think it takes a lifetime to do so...

Posted on December 30, 2010, in Life, Pain/Therapy. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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