i’m cranky irritable and angry
so. i wandered off my diet… i had intended to do so for the weekend i was in st louis, but i also intended to get right back on the wagon when i got back. unfortunately, last week was by far the most stressful and upsetting week i had in a LONG time, and i said screw it. . . and didn’t worry about the diet… and this week i need to. . . i realllllly need to, b/c the little bit of weight i lost, has definitely come back and in a different way… i feel so obese right now… PLUS it’s difficult to deal with people telling me i DON’T need to be on a diet and then me hating what i see in the mirror, and my husband encouraging me to diet… i can’t work out, although i’m getting closer to the time that i will be able to again, i get to start the elliptical on friday and i’m very excited about that. . . but until then, i don’t know what is wrong with me, i’ve never had to restrict my caloric intake before, and it’s frustrating . . . and making me difficult to be around. . . i’ve watched what i ate before, but, that was the extent . . . and i could always work it off if i ate more than i should have, or something i shouldn’t have. . .
i just need people to back off . . . and not give me shit for being on a diet, and not give me shit for the things i do eat if it doesn’t fit in with my diet… *sigh*
i need to be back to me, i can’t stand looking like this, and i know some people don’t see it (most in fact) but, they only see me with clothes that camouflage it well… (i.e. my work uniform) i’m the one that looks in the mirror at home, and has to wear my jeans that are too tight, and it disgusts me. . .