sometimes. . .

sometimes, living the life i chose is hard.

like now.

it’s difficult.  i’m very depressed right now, and it has everything to do with the barracks i live in (or am assigned to)

however, i do spend more time there than i do at home, so . . .

the way they treat us, like we are nothing more than scum on the bottom of their shoes? that’s not right.

when we first transferred over there, they told us no pt during working hours, do it on your liberty.
my liberty hours are very limited. in order to get 8 hours of sleep and things done around the house and make dinner so i can eat at night, i don’t have time to do anything else. if i have to run an errand in the morning, i get less than 8 hours, and get nothing done around the house. and usually don’t get my dinner made those days. . . well, they changed it. said we could pt during working hours. which is good b/c we have a muster at 1 pm and then again at 330 pm on m/w/f — so those days — i was dying to work out. . . and then i could. well now . . . now they say — we’re doing away with what’s always been – duty section sweepers and turnover, and now at 1 pm EVERYONE has to clean the barracks. EVERY DAY. for an hour. that honestly only takes away a half hour to work out, EXCEPT that i need the time to get there, change, get a DECENT workout in, shower, and be ready for march out. that half hour is MUCH needed.

plus — i signed up for a personal trainer right before they changed that. he changed someone else’s schedule around to accomodate mine. . .

i know  some might think this is a frivolous expense, but honestly — i need it. i get to the gym and i just kind of bounce around from machine to machine. last time i had a personal trainer — i got SUPER hot, and right now i need to get back into good shape if i want to not be embarrassed when i go to the beach in april. i just need my body to get back to how i want it to be. i know that by other people’s standards i look great, but they don’t see me in the mirror, they don’t see what’s under the clothes. i’m bloated and flabby and disgusting. this has to change. this might also be contributing to my depression. . .

that and the lack of time i have to spend with my husband. . . hopefully i can make it up when i’m on hold, b/c when i go to C school, he’s staying behind (if it’s less than 6 months) and that will suck too 😦

but that’s too far in the future . . . right now i just have to survive the next 2 months in this hell. . . i am not really certain that i can. . . can’t i talk to someone if my mental well being is being threatened?? if i legitimately am going insane from this barracks, can’t they re-assign me??? *shrug* i’m probably not, it just really feels like that, and i feel really hopeless…

ah well. such is life.



About trozellerosio

I am me. that's really all there is to know. I am still figuring out exactly all that entails, but I think it takes a lifetime to do so...

Posted on February 21, 2012, in Life. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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