do you ever just wonder?

do you have problems shutting off your brain? making it be quiet? allowing you to relax? maybe to sleep? or focus on the task at hand?

*sigh*

i, unfortunately, have this problem. and it IS  a major problem… it affects my most intimate tasks, and it disallows (yes i made this word up just now because i couldn’t think of the word prevents) me from sleeping…

my current f/b status is: my mind is constantly on. . . always thinking, always wondering…
sometimes it makes life most difficult…

i wonder constantly about stupid random stuff that i really honestly don’t care about.

my mind flashes back to random memories… sometimes at inopportune times… and it annoys the hell out of me.

i think it might be b/c i don’t remember a lot from a certain portion of my life, so the random memories come back to haunt me in flashes…

so i flash back to random events, random people, and i wonder how they are doing, even tho i may not have talked to them in 15 years… and then that makes me think of some other event… or person, or place, or thing… and before i know it i’m lost in a sea of randomness . . .

and then i pull myself back to reality… and i realize i’m clenching my jaw… i don’t know why this happens, the whole clenching of the jaw, but i have to literally tell myself to unclench… and relax my face…

i really … just wish that sometimes i was able to forget it all, and quiet my mind and actually legitimately relax…

did you know — i am unable to relax. i just can’t. it doesn’t work. i have tried it millions of times over the years… and i can’t go without moving… it just doesn’t work well for me…

try having that problem in boot camp…. :-\

what do YOU do to focus your mind on the life at hand…

more than just a task — this life –

i want to focus on NOW. not then… granted then is what made me who i am now, but … i am that person, and i want to just live in the now… and reminisce only when i want to… not when i’m trying to do something else…

cuz really it can be annoying as hell…

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About trozellerosio

I am me. that's really all there is to know. I am still figuring out exactly all that entails, but I think it takes a lifetime to do so...

Posted on December 4, 2012, in Life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. At least you are able to remember your life and reminisce! I have a goldfish memory and thus have a hard time remembering the details of my past (including yesterday). The one positive is that shutting off my brain is a piece of cake… but that’s not always a good thing!

    • i can only remember certain parts…
      i can’t really remember child hood… just some very negative things that happened… and… that’s it…
      but i am sorry that you have problems…
      there are some things that i am glad i can remember…
      thank you for reading!

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