E.D.’s

ohhhh you perverted little puppies.

not THAT e.d.

this e.d. stands for eating disorders .

i don’t have one.

i’m just fucked up in the head.

cuz here’s how my thinking goes…  — p.s. this is MY blog, therefore it is a judgment free zone. . . got something ignorant to say — keep it to yourself.

here are some of my more fucked up thoughts — in no particular order

f’d up thought #1: i wish that i could get away with not eating, but my stomach won’t let me
f’d up thought #2: i wish i could get mono b/c then i’d lost a ton of weight!!
f’d up thought #3: tapeworms?? hmmmm
f’d up thought #4: i like being sick, because if i throw up – it works my abs more…
f’d up thought #5: ((this one is rather infamous between a friend & I)) bulimics have better abs
f’d up thought #6: the longer i’m hungry, the less hungry i will be… the more i don’t eat – maybe my stomach will shrink…

UGH this is crazy.

i’m a grown woman. not some adolescent searching for acceptance.

i honestly don’t care what OTHER people think of me — i care what *I* think of me when i look in the damn mirror.

i hate the mirror, btw.

and the scale.

 i know that pounds don’t tell the whole truth…
and that when i DO start gaining muscle, it’s going to weigh more than fat…

but, i won’t be jiggly… i’ll be tone and fit… and still paranoid.

cuz my mind is obsessed with numbers.

i actually tried to talk to a counselor about this — she basically laughed in my face…

not that i’m some sort of professional at all – but if someone tells you they have a legitimate fear and problems with how they see themselves — is it reallllllly the best response to laugh at them?!?!?!

needless to say – i didn’t see her anymore

and that’s not even the main reason i WAS seeing her.

i need to be deprogrammed…

b/c i just can’t stop obsessing over this…

 

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About trozellerosio

I am me. that's really all there is to know. I am still figuring out exactly all that entails, but I think it takes a lifetime to do so...

Posted on January 5, 2013, in Diet, Life and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. We’re women, love. We’ve been trained and hard-wired to think like this. I won’t judge you, because that would be hypocritical. I have the same thoughts. And whatever this “professional” who laughed at you was thinking is beyond me, but they themselves need a professional!!!! If you need a shoulder or an ear, let me know lady. We’ll get each other through this mess in our brains. 🙂

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