I’m not me

so …. something has been going on with me for the last few months, and I have to wonder if it’s not the meds I have been on to help with endometriosis pain… they’re hormones… so the bonus is – after a couple months of taking them, I no longer have to deal with the monthly hell that girls have to deal with – – – which is the reason I’m taking them… cuz that time – makes me ill. physically ill. I can’t handle that… that’s not something I am ok with going through every month. ESPECIALLY since I AM NOT HAVING CHILDREN. there’s no point in that pesky little visitor.

However.. .. . . . . . . . .

I am not me. I am not right in the head right now. There is something fundamentally wrong with me right now. My inner bitch that I hide and keep tamped down unless need be – will not be contained right now.

right now I absolutely hate everything about myself. that’s not normal. something’s gotta give…

Right now – I am vindictive. I am vicious. I am petty. I am NOT ok. I am fucking MEAN right now. I’m a SUPER fucking bitch right now. I can’t contain it. I have tried. I can’t. I absolutely can NOT. It doesn’t bode well for me right now. There are things I have to address, and I can’t in a tactful manner. I am no longer able to walk on egg shells. I can’t be nice. I can’t contain myself. it’s all or nothing, and I have nothing left to give.

I am stressed out. I am worn out. I am BURNT the FUCK out. I am TIRED. I am more than tired. I am beyond exhausted. I am even having issues being nice to the most important person in my life. My amazing husband is bearing the brunt of this, and he’s handling it quite well.

I have taken a break this weekend. Is this social media? if so, well; fuck I am breaking my rule for this weekend. I turned off my phone Thursday night. I got on social media Friday morning to wish Jess a happy birthday and that was it. I haven’t been on since. I won’t be until Monday. at the very least.
We’ll see what happens…

Husband doesn’t quite understand the no phone thing – but it’s something I need to do for myself.

because, myself – is not myself…

and this person is a bitch. and I don’t fucking like her.


Whole30 and Life in General

this is gonna be a long, rambling post folks… strap in and get ready for the ride. . .

First up – diet.

BLLLLAAAAHHHHHHH I want some wine and cheese!!!!

Today is the last day. I am proud to report, that BOTH my husband and I have made it.  I would say it’s been difficult – but really it hasn’t been THAT bad… except husband hates veggies – so trying to disguise them is taking more effort… the worst part is really not being able to use cheese and butter… and ensuring that nothing contains sugar. . . can I just tell you that the bacon that is W30C is super thin… SUPER thin…and shrivels up into nothing when you cook it… blah. 

Insert a WHOLE bunch of food photos


seriously – I have 58 photos I just uploaded from my phone… I don’t think I’ll put all those there??  we’ll see… I want to do a slideshow… hahaha

anyways – I haven’t weighed myself since Monday – but at that point I was down 7 pounds. 

I started running/jogging/walking again last week – but that only happened 3 times and then life. . . and then — COLD…
ok, ok – I get it – I’m in florida – it’s not THAT cold… but it’s too cold for me – and it’s too cold for here. . . I know the rest of the country is dealing with negative 50 degrees before wind chill; but ,… well – ok, I got nothing…. that’s really f’kn cold … colder than normal… but we’re also dealing with colder than normal, and colder for longer periods of time right now… ahhhh global warming and all its charming effects on the planet… ((we’re all gonna die!!!!)) 
anyways – I can’t run in the cold. My lungs DO NOT cooperate… I tried. I lived in the Midwest most my life – – it does not work. so I haven’t run this week. I suck. . . 😦 

moving on. . . diet diet diet… schmiet schmiet schmiet. . . 

OH — Life. . . 

oh how life has been all over the place lately. . . if you read my blog – you are aware that last week (?? or week before?) I posted about losing friendships… well; shortly after that post – the subject of it texted me and said she missed me and she was so looking forward to my birthday … blah blah blah… and then this week she emails me and says we can’t be friends anymore, you’re too negative…  UM. WHAT?!!?!??!   yes. sometimes I can be negative. EVERYONE IS – life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows!!  real life has ups and downs. . . if you want someone who is going to be all perky & positive all day – every day – that person isn’t a real friend. they’re superficial and fake. . . and won’t be there for you when shit hits the fan… but what gets me is the lie. . . you miss me and can’t wait to see me ((but don’t make any effort to do so and then turn around and end the friendship!??! 2 + 2 = 5 ))

but on the plus side, I get to see a friend that I’ve had since she was 17!! I gauge it that way b/c I don’t know how old I was at that point; though now that I’m actually writing it out – I was 22; she’s 5 years younger than I am.  we used to work together at Target, and we would go to the 18 & up clubs (before she was 18?? or I at least knew her before she was 18 from working together?!!? I don’t know it was a LONG time ago… )  she is unable to make the expenditure to come down for my birthday; but she’s actually in Florida for a work conference this week; and has Friday afternoon/evening open… so I’m making the 2 1/2 hour trek to see her for the first time since 2013.!!! 
It’s a great way to start my birthday month!! 😀

Life – Family Update

Back a couple years ago, my cousin contacted me and inquired if I wanted to do DNA testing – as neither of us knew our birth fathers. . . I agreed . . . found out I had Jewish heritage, and really didn’t give it another thought…   we did it through FamilyTree.com and they don’t have a large database… fast forward a couple years and I bought husband a kit for Christmas/birthday/something… through ancestry.com. . . he says I should do one again through them to see if the results are any different… they weren’t very different at all… and well, ancestry.com has a rather massive database of users… that can find other relatives… I had someone reach out to me and …. long story short — she is my maternal aunt. The sister of my biological brother… whom I actually remember my mother mentioning at least once… ((I don’t remember a lot of my childhood for some reason)) 
So we started communicating on a somewhat regular basis… she sent me a lot of things that belonged to grandparents/great grandparents in the family… pretty cool… then she asked if we wanted these shelves…. you guys  – if you know me (us) you know that our house is stuffed to the brim. It’s so full. We have SO much stuff. . . SO. MUCH. STUFF. . . . . . . . so obviously, I can’t accept this, and I tell her as such… but then I tell husband about it and he just stops… and says omg. I have been wanting a set of those FOREVER… they’re SO expensive… I look at him and say uh; where we gonna put it ??? (It’s essentially a bookcase)


he was very upset, but understood… because… SO. MUCH. STUFF. . . 
well, I was on my way to drill one night and just thinking about stuff; as my mind tends to wander on the long drive up there… and I figured – if he gets rid of the large items that he planned on; then we WOULD have room; and as it’s a bookcase (sort) that’s more storage ((which is necessary)). . . so I texted her and asked if the offer still stood; and she said yes…
Problem:  she lives in Georgia. We live in Florida. . . and we don’t have a vehicle that we can put a bookshelf in … ((we weren’t supposed to have the van anymore at this point)) So I brought up the issue of transport, and she offered to bring it down to us… thus a road trip plan was born. . . her and her husband came down this past weekend… and woooooo was I nervous!!!
Excited – but nervous… because Anxiety. . .
The trip went lovely EXCEPT the weather… the weather sucked… 😦  
but regardless of that – it was great.  They are awesome people, so warm and caring… PLUS there are SO many similarities between the three families (them, mine, husband’s) it’s insane!!  and no I’m not writing that they were great people b/c there’s a chance they will read this – because if I didn’t think anything like that; I wouldn’t have mentioned it… :-p

also – did ya’ll see the lunar eclipse?? we dragged the telescope out and took some pics, had a couple people come over to see … it was gorgeous


Food Journey of Whole30 by Slidely Slideshow



Food Journey of Whole30 by Slidely Slideshow

click on the link… it’s not embedding into my site…

3 weeks into Whole30

FYI – We’re still doing this… I just haven’t gotten a chance to do updates… I have plenty of food pics though… (but not tonight)

I was down 5 pounds yesterday… Husband hasn’t told me his weight lately… 

But, again, weight loss isn’t the goal of this diet… to be honest – I feel NO differently. I am not any less bloated ((I think it’s all the sauerkraut in the morning…)) none of my clothes fit any better, I don’t have any more energy than I normally do (in fact, I might have less?) 

I feel like this was just … kind of a waste of time… but we’ll finish it out… we have 1 week left. 

and then. 

Wine. (Rum for husband)

And cheese. 



more things in my brain

So, I’m at drill this weekend, and there’s so much stuff going on around, but at the same time, nothing at all… it’s super busy, there’s a ton of people, so I can’t really focus on my homework. All my Navy stuff is done, and I’m just waiting to go to lunch… so I’ll write some blogs, get some things out of my brain….

Self-therapy and all…

I’m so utterly exhausted. I have no idea why, but I feel way more run down than normal this weekend… I know drill is always tiring – this uniform is so uncomfortable that at the end of the day all I can do I fall into bed and rest for a bit before doing anything else.  ((but I have to drive home today so no chance of that happening… just get it off as soon as possible and hope I stay awake (and alive) for the drive home))

Anyways – let’s go through the inventory of my thoughts…

In no particular order.

The passing of friendships and changes in dynamic –

I have a few people that I consider my BEST friends. Yes, I’m one of THOSE… whatever.

There’s obviously my husband. We may fight sometimes – but he’s mine and always there.  (I probably take that for granted, but then again, he probably does too… that’s how life is…)

And I have two other friendships that I have cultivated over the years and considered them my female soulmates… (which, yes, may sound corny – but hey – I am who I am, and I don’t care what you think about that … you’re the one reading my random thoughts; I’m just sharing them…)

Anyways – one of those friendships just ENDED. And if it hasn’t ended, it sure as hell feels like it has. I used to see this person on a weekly basis. We talked all the time; either via text or phone ((and I HATE talking on the phone)), and then it just all stopped without warning and I have no idea why… I feel like maybe I did something during an event we were at, (that I’m not aware of) or I offended her at a party she threw (but I have no idea how) or when she canceled her birthday and I took it as a direct implication of something I said and then freaked out when she didn’t answer and called everyone (3 people) that were close to her trying to get in touch with her — regardless I haven’t seen her since November, and it’s devastating. I don’t know what’s going on – and I don’t know how to find out the actual truth… and it sucks. It just fucking sucks. I have lost another friendship in the time I have been in Florida and again, I have NO idea why. It just ended. Did I say something?? Did I do something?? My overanxious brain finds all these worst-case scenarios and goes through them endlessly until I finally just exhaust myself and give up. Ok – you don’t care about this relationship – then I just have to accept that… but … it’s very hard to accept and get over a relationship that has lasted for years and just ends abruptly for no reason.

Another friendship has changed dynamic drastically. . . and it also sucks… decisions were made that I don’t agree with or even remotely understand… and the person is aware that I don’t agree with the decision she’s making … and it has caused a wedge in our relationship… there’s an awkwardness that wasn’t there before… I don’t get to see her as often as I used to – even when she was in relationships before, I saw her more, we talked DAILY, we just were more… and now we’re not… and I get it – I don’t understand the decision she’s making. I don’t think it’s a good decision to make. So, she’s distancing herself from me. Even if it is unconsciously… BUT IT FUCKING SUCKS. . .

I feel like two of my closest friends are just gone.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m just a horrible fucking person who doesn’t deserve to have close friends… but I would like to think I’m not… and I know several people would say I’m not. . . but at the demise and crumbling of friendships – that’s what my overactive, overanxious, fucked up brain says…

I had more things to say… but this has kind of taken the wind out of my sails ((not that I had any to begin with, I just want to sleep…..))

But – thus this post ends.

See ya when I see ya… {except I probably won’t – because this is the electronic world}

Things that are in my brain

So much stuff is flowing through my brain right now. I’m quite irritated in general and thinking about stuff is making that worse… I’m also exhausted to an abnormal extent and that of course, makes everything worse.  

First thing on my mind is my friends of Facebook. 

I use Facebook to keep in touch with most of my friends that I’ve made through the navy and don’t see anymore, along with the friends and family I left behind when I moved to Florida. . . there are 2 people on my Facebook (now) that I have never actually met – and I will meet one of them at the end of January, and the other is her daughter (who happens to be my cousin).


Anyways – this world is just astounding in the level of racism that people are showing, the negativity to each other, the things that people find offensive – just everything is becoming a bit ridiculous. I have had to unfollow people, and even unfriend people… I hate that.  But these posts and the beliefs by people that I thought were better than that are just hurtful to my heart.  I am not actually stating what it is – but – I can’t believe that people that I thought were better than that – are so closeminded and downright awful. I try not to post my political views.  In fact, I wish that we could rid Facebook of political posts… it would make it a lot more pleasant place. 

It’s also annoying how “triggered” people become at such insignificant things. The world is offensive. It’s always been offensive. You control what you pay attention to and what you don’t.  With the advent of social media and the prevalence of our phones invading every space in our life – it’s easy to get caught up in things.

Be nice to each other.

Be kind.

Stop judging everyone so harshly.

“Be the good you want to see in the world.”


Adobe Stock & W30 Week 1

Yes, I’m aware those are two completely unrelated topics… but that’s what I have to write about today…

I inadvertently signed up for Adobe Stock last year.  I missed the free trial deadline because life… ugh… I tried to cancel it immediately – and they said oh – you’ll have to pay for the entire year AND you won’t get any photos…. You guys —  ITS $30 A MONTH  for 10 stupid pictures… so, I have paid for the past stupid year and get an email notification that it’s up for auto-renewal.  OH HELL NO IT”S NOT… so I logged into Adobe to cancel that shit – except YOU CANT.  there’s no option to do so… I search around, and it’s been that way for awhile and has a lot of complaints because of it… for years. . . so I have to wait til today to chat with someone to get it cancelled… at this point I have 81 photos saved up ((because I have gone in and just randomly downloaded random pictures for different things – to use them up))

Transaction goes fine, he cancels my stuff, blah blah… and then says oh you won’t have access to the 81 licenses you have left… well – now I’m pissed…
this is their latest offering:


Toni, I see that you are a valuable member with us for so long, I can offer you 3 month worth of charges as refund.

I mean… $90 in exchange for 81 pictures… and a years’ worth of charges… ugh… that’s so much money wasted …

But, really – what else am I gonna do?


Anyways – week 1 of Whole30.


And cheese… and donuts… ugh… no bad – bad – bad

Today I had a doctor appointment, it was supposed to be just a follow up, no big deal… it turned into a big painful deal that was horrible… normally I’d treat myself to something sweet to make me feel better…. Well, I am proud to say that I didn’t do that… even though I REALLY wanted to  but I did decide I’d go to Ulta and grab some nice soap for my face that’s been super oily recently… not only did they not greet me as I walked in (but definitely greeted the next few people that walked in) as I stood there lost in confusion, trying to even find someone to assist me – they went to other people, but NO ONE said a single word to me the entire time I was in the store… that pissed me off… so I left, without soap… and more pissed off than I was before … I came home and cuddled with the cats… and I’m still in pain…

Oh that was off subject… mainly just me being proud of myself for not caving into my severe desire and temptation…


Week 1 – we’ve done pretty well… I think…. We have denied our cravings for bad things… but we’re doing something “wrong”… we eat our healthy meals, we eat until we’re not hungry. . . but at the end of the night – we get hungry… and you can’t go to bed if you’re hungry… we’ve been drinking water appropriately, but – still the hunger continues at the end of the night… even if we eat to the point of full, not just hungry… I don’t know what to do about that…

But let’s talk nuts… apparently, we have been overdoing nuts… my face is super breaking out – so is husband’s… this morning we had nut butter on our breakfast and he said that he absolutely cannot do anymore nuts – his face was on fire…

That bodes well for the 6 cups of nuts I roasted last night… LOL

And then I read ((after I roasted all of them)) that we’re not supposed to have nuts/nut butter every day – maybe every other day at most… oops… as the hunger kicks in at random times – we’ve been eating a serving as snacks (along with other things) I know you’re not supposed to snack so much on W30, but like I said – we eat til we’re full (or not hungry anymore) but then get hungry before the next meal – or at the end of the  night… I’m really not sure what to do or where to turn (without paying – cuz no)

Husband has gained weight – I have lost 2 pounds… but, again, W30 is not for weight loss… but really – deprivation of delicious food should DEFINITELY lead to weight loss…

Anyways –

things I have eaten that I liked (I mean honestly, this diet isn’t that bad – it’s just complicated to make food without ingredients that we don’t pay attention to…)

I bought some little red bananas the other night – and I had one that I cut up and covered with almond butter, blueberries, W30C coconut and W30c cacao nibs… OMG IT WAS SO GOOD!!! ((also – new abbreviation: W30C (or c) is short for Whole30 Compliant))

last night we had pizza stuffed sweet potatoes… they were actually REALLY tasty… there was obviously no cheese, but as I did not have enough sausage – I threw in a couple pieces of bacon and did not exactly follow the directions… and definitely no mushrooms… I used a poblano instead of bell pepper… 

I thought it looked damn tasty before I added the marinara:pizzasweetpotato

and here’s what the sauce looked like after adding the marinara; I did not take a picture of the actual product… but I served it up with some steamed broccoli … husband hates sweet potatoes, but did not complain too much about this


for breakfast one day this weekend – we had another amazing healthy meal… I admit I looked at the recipe and was hesitant, but husband said it was basically a crepe… 

A sweet and savory blueberry omelet… 

blueberries in eggs?? uhhhh what?? 

you guys — MAKE THIS RECIPE <<click, make, enjoy

we followed the recipe exactly (which is unknown in my world) – and added a dollop of almond butter (w30c) 


it was so good. SO very good. ((served with a sauteed kale/onion salad, bacon, and our morning sauerkraut))

so a couple days later, we decided to modify it a little bit. husband sauteed some apples in cinnamon and a tiny bit of ghee and then added a little bit of almond flour to stiffen it up a bit… we determined it wasn’t as good… definitely don’t add the flour… 

I made a turkey broccoli stir fry one night for dinner… it was… ehhhh… shrug  


did I mention that we made some w30c mayo the other night?? tangy and much better than regular mayo (of which, I’m not a fan) but – I used it to make a turkey salad –

smoked turkey, raisins, sun dried tomatoes, and seasonings, along with 2 tbsp. of the mayo… husband loves it. 


and then the final picture- leftover roasted root veggie breakfast hash – I roasted up the following:  purple sweet potato, golden beet, parsnips, carrots – I think I posted about it previously ((it’s only been a week, but I totally don’t remember the posts I’ve made…))

and I needed it gone – I had used it for dinner twice and had just a little bit leftover, so it was our breakfast one day


I lied – that’s not the last picture –

let’s talk coffee.  I hate coffee. It’s nasty, bitter, and just gross… I like the smell of some flavored coffees, but I don’t even like the flavor of them without creamer… I found that the almondmilk French vanilla creamer is great…

that being said – pre W30 – I started my day with a cup of coffee (and creamer) and that was my breakfast… ((did I mention that this is more food than my body is used to?? so why tf am I hungry at the end of the night?!?!?!) anyways – I did switch to tea for a couple days, but then was introduced to nutpods… 


  1. it’s definitely not sweet, 2. it leaves weird floating things in my coffee, 3. my coffee is still bitter, but not AS bitter… I am not enjoying it, but then again, I guess I never actually enjoy it (especially when I don’t add enough creamer) but I am also thinking after the end of this little container – I will be switching back to tea… 


ok. I think that’s it for real this time… remind me to tell you about the collagen powder Eve & I got samples of, next time… 






Talk to ya lata



Day 3 of W30

so husband and I have this habit of going out to run errands and then getting side tracked and being out a LOT longer than we anticipated. 

this happened today… although, to be fair – we got stuck at the DMV for HOURS. . . and I did bring snacks! but after we ate the snacks at the next stop and were still out- hunger was roaring ((which should be expected b/c it had been hours since we’d had breakfast)) so we had to stop and grab some lunch… we stopped at 3peppers and had a salad – no beans/rice/cheese/sour cream… just meat and veggies and guacamole.

yesterday, we smoked turkeys for the four of us (the pair that we’re doing this with) spent all day ((until 9!!)) at the smoker … we smoked 60 pounds of turkey!!!!
here’s one of ours and the 4 pounds of meat that came from one of our 13 pound birds


for lunch yesterday, we kept it simple with some tuna in a salad… I had roasted some peppers for our dinner recipe ((I knew the turkey wasn’t going to be done in time)) and as I sampled one, I couldn’t help but fall in love with them. they were SO good… 
so I stole the little peppers and cut them into our salads… which did mean I had to go to the store and get another pepper for the dinner dish… (I needed 12 oz and was only at 9)


so anyways, for dinner we had this paleo chicken bowl concoction that was on the realsimplegood site – except I super tweaked it… it called for 3 CUPS of mushrooms… 
I don’t do mushrooms… yuck. no. ew. But since it was SUCH a substantial amount – I had to replace it with something… and since it was called a bowl – I replaced it with a rice substitute – otherwise, I think it should be called a salad… it wanted 8 1/2 cups of kale… 
um… I threw in a couple handfuls… and served it with riced cauliflower… it was pretty good… the one thing about these recipes is that nothing is labeled with a serving size… so … it said it served 4; so I cut the pan into quarters and that is how I determined our servings… I was full… so I’m hopeful that is how I was supposed to manage it… 
a look at before and after I added the red pepper sauce 


Paleo Chicken Bowl – roasted my own peppers – and they weren’t all red… 

Today I woke up with a pounding headache… I am not sure why, but I supposed it could be sugar withdrawals… that’s what the other couple is dealing with…. I didn’t feel like cooking so I researched some easy meals… came up with apples with almond butter, blueberries, and pistachios. easy peasy. throw on some cinnamon and call that a day! 


these were SO good… like – I could sit and eat them all day good… breakfast- lunch -and dinner good… but I was worried that they wouldn’t be very filling… worry not – I wasn’t hungry til at least 4 hours after I had eaten!! 

so – tonight I think we’re having leftovers… 

we had roasted root veggies and sausage the other day — that’s probably on the agenda tonight… but lunch was pretty late… 

one thing we haven’t adhered to very well is a schedule… our days have been very out of sort with husband not working… things kind of just happen whenever… 

oh well. 

happy evening everyone. 

Whole30 + me + husband = TBD

So, husband and I decided (along with a pair of our friends) to try the Whole30 diet for the month of January. . . I have gained quite a bit of weight throughout the last year (and fallen off the gym bandwagon more times than I can count) and husband has general aches and pains that I don’t think he should have – he blames them on being old and sedentary ((of which we are neither))… So… we’re doing it….except he keeps going back and forth on it b/c how are you supposed to lose weight when you’re eating so much? 

You’re supposed to eat enough at each meal to not have snacks in between… doesn’t that go against what doctors have found works for most people – several small meals throughout the day, instead of 3 large ones? 

I started researching it and there are so many people for it, but just as many people against it… 

Whole30 is an elimination diet meant to help you figure out what’s causing certain issues you might be facing… my issues are my extremely high levels of exhaustion AT ALL TIMES. . . but, that could be because I don’t sleep well… AT. ALL.  ((and yes, I’ve been to a doctor… they can’t figure it out)) So, will this help ?? Who knows… apparently people on the W30D have reported sleeping better… My exhaustion levels also play into the gym issue… I’m too tired to do anything, much less, exert an enormous amount of activity.  So, I guess we’ll see….

Husband’s issue is the pain he’s always in… the arthritis that wracks his body at such a young age — ok – we’ll we’re not spring chickens – but he’s only 42 – I don’t think he should be in the amount of pain he’s in on a daily basis… Will this help?  Who knows… 

Day 1 was yesterday – I thought we did relatively well… until I found out that you can’t have hummus… I really have no idea how I missed that fact… or rather didn’t think about the fact that chickpeas were legumes. . . because I knew you couldn’t have legumes… I just always thought of hummus (without tahini) as a healthy snack… NOT ON WHOLE30!!! So, technically we have to restart. good thing it was the first day and January has 31 days  😉

anyways – for breakfast we had eggs and bacon ((my eggs had veggies in them…husband’s did not)) he had his black coffee, and since I can’t have creamer – I have switched over to tea… Oh. Did I happen to mention that – I don’t eat breakfast on a daily basis ?? Cuz – I don’t. Eating breakfast literally makes me hungry ALL DAY LONG… so, day 1 lunch, we were out and didn’t think about our timing…. I got SUPER hungry… I looked at the time and it had been 4 hours since we ate… I should mention that we were out running errands – and the final one was to go to the grocery store to stock our fridge with W30 compliant foods…. so, um, our fridge was kind of empty… I started researching W30 friendly restaurants – and truthfully you can make anything compliant… it’s probably just an annoyance to the staff… {It’s ok, I’ll tip you well…  — and at least I’m not the person at the restaurant that ordered a grilled cheese WITHOUT THE BREAD via Bitesquad} anyways – we had burgers (him – beef, me – chicken) on a bed of greens with some veggies ((not potatoes)). I would like to think we were compliant… but – I don’t know what their stuff was cooked in… sigh

Oh, and I ate EVERY. SINGLE. BITE. I never do that…. 

For dinner — {which was much later than anticipated and we had to do some snacking – I had two servings of different nuts, husband had … 3; and then a single serve pack of guacamole and one of hummus ((because – oops)) } we had roasted root veggies and turkey sausage. . . I think we should have maybe had a salad with that – but it was 9pm when we finally got to eat… and I just didn’t have the energy to do more putting together… it was good, but I still felt hungry when I was done… I just drank a bunch of water and some hot tea (compliant)

All in all, we felt that we had done a good job, until this morning I realized – chickpeas are legumes and are not allowed… 

I don’t think this plan is actually good for me… it might be good for husband with all his inflammation – but this is really more food than I usually eat ((why then am I so fat still??)) I normally don’t eat breakfast – I have a cup of coffee with creamer – the creamer is only 35 calories, so at most it’s 70 calories depending on how much I pour in that day… then I eat a (normally) healthy lunch and a reasonable dinner.  I know I need to cut out sugars ((DUDE THEYRE’ IN EVERYTHING!!!!)) and I need to eat less cheese ((but come on — CHEEEEEESE)), and probably consume less wine (sugar)… but I think I can do that on my own without being chained to this restriction… 

but – for breakfast today – Day 2

we had eggs, bacon, half an avocado and a tomato slice; along with a tablespoon of sauerkraut because I was told it would aid in digestion ((but it turns out I don’t have the one that has probiotic properties…of course))



so – now I’m wondering if this is actually the right plan for me – I really just am not sure… I don’t even know who to turn to in order to ask… siiiiigggghhhh  *woe is me* 

anyways…I’ll update as I can – once school starts things are going to get REALLY tricky… 

I have class on T/W/TH – (no big deal) on T/Th – 12p – 4:15p … so I have to eat before I leave home at 11… (ummmm….) I have only a 15 minute break where I have to race across campus to get to my next class in between the 2 classes I have that day… and on Wednesdays I have class from 10a – 4:15p … again – only a 15 minute break racing across campus… so… um, obviously my eating habits are going to be affected… more on that in 6 days after my first day of school… 


thoughts or suggestions on Whole30? hit me up… 


Thanks for reading!! ❤

What day is it? Update – Bahrain

it is ….

it is Saturday….

I had to think.

the weekends here are Friday & Saturday – it kind of throws me off…

so – Friday I went on a tour of the city – which is Manama City…

it was $80!!!!

which didn’t seem so bad – b/c it was supposed to be 4 hours, and 7 stops…

well… it was Friday.

Friday is Bahrain’s ‘Sunday’ … so-  half of the stops were closed.

it was very disappointing… I was pretty upset… but the tour guide said there was nothing she could do, and was ‘very sorry’… I said well, there’s nothing you can do – but – there should be a disclaimer on the site – and it just sucks b/c it was so much money and I only get to do 1/2 the sites…


not to mention —- I was the ONLY person on the freaking tour… probably b/c everyone else knew that the sites would be closed!!!


so anyways, I saw a few things, including the Bahrain museum… it was pretty cool – since I was the only one there – the tour guide was able to give me a personal guided tour of the museum… the only unfortunate thing was that I did not get to see the actual art work in the museum, just all the historic things… which was very cool… but I was sad to not see the art…

there were a couple other sites – and they were pretty cool…

when I got back to the base – I was tempted to go off base again for dinner, but didn’t want to do it by myself… so, I didn’t… and while at dinner, I got a message from the tour company saying that they were so sorry… and they wanted to give me a free tour of the desert… which – I was originally interested in – but didn’t want to spend the almost $150 to do both tours… unfortunately I already had plans for Saturday – and that was when they were offering it, so I told them as much, and they said ok, when can you do it? and you can bring your friends, and we’ll give you two free passes to the water park… and we’ll refund your money for the other tour…. which is great…. except the other tour is in the morning; and I work in the mornings… so I told them as much as well as thanking them for the refund… and they didn’t respond after that 😦 , plus the money is not refunded yet, so we’ll see what happens… *sigh*

all in all though, what I did get to see was pretty cool… pics will be posted on facebook when my AT is done… just to make things easier on myself… (haha!)

Saturday –

met up with one of the guys from the command and he drove us to the Manama Souq. which is a market place of sorts… but honestly, I thought it would be different, but it’s just a TON of stores, a lot selling the same stuff over and over…. but it was quite interesting… my AT buddy was looking for a piece of jewelry for his wife, so we were on a mission, plus I wanted to buy something that was indicative of my time here… and a souvenir for the bear… I was able to buy something for me, but have yet to find anything for him… it was pretty cool … ALTHOUGH – they are super high pressure salesmen, and they are very pushy… so much so, in fact, that one of them just placed a head dress on one of the guys!! as he was walking!!! uh. no.

after that we went to American Alley for lunch, and had a pretty good lunch at a Lebanese restaurant…  and then headed to the City Centre of Bahrain, which is a **HUGE** mall… it’s 3 floors, in some places 4… SO many stores, and it’s EXPENSIVE!!! we went there to wander b/c – well, I didn’t want to be hostage in my hotel room for the rest of the night… plus there was a ramen restaurant there, and I’ve never had ramen – so we went there to try that also… .but – we decided upon that at lunch – and when dinner came around – I was not hungry yet… lol – so we got it to go …

and then we got dropped back off at the hotel and I have been here ever since… I should have gone to the gym tonight, but – instead I spoke to my husband via video and now I’m writing this as I finish my glass of wine before I got to bed… I have to get up for pt at 6am… so – I’m actually up too late…

I was going to try to watch the meteor shower, but – it’s at 3am my time – and unless my stupid suitemate decides to slam doors when she goes to work (which  – who am I kidding – she totally will)… I will be sleeping!!

I’m really kicking myself about this damn suitemate thing… *sigh* why do I have to be so freakin nice!??!?

she woke me up this morning at 1-something, and since I woke up I realized I had to pee, so I got up to go – but she was in the fucking shower… ugh.

the lack of sleep definitely doesn’t help with my self image that I’m having issues with currently… but that’s another blog for another time…

I’ll end now – and wish you all luck watching for the meteor shower!! someone take pics for me!!!

Have a wonderful night my friends!

I’m out –

~Peace~  T.


Bahrain – Wednesday/Thursday Update


Wednesday – we had command pt at 6am… we met up to play wally-ball… ever hear of it? no – me neither… it’s volleyball that you can play off walls… but – not the back wall, b/c that’s an automatic out, and not the ceiling b/c that’s an out too…

now – I know how to play sports… I just REALLY suck… and these guys are competitive… and the LPO (supervisor for those who don’t know) was very patronizing and trying to explain the game to me as if I were a child  –  I told him, look – I know how to play volleyball, I just suck!!! smh… whatever.. it was still fun… I took a dive and skinned the hell outta my knee though.. hardwood floors, dust, and slippery shoes… not a good combo…

the day seemed to drag on forever yesterday…

we have this girl who is doing her at with us and omg… she’s just so … irritating.. .

she’s got rose gold metallic nails… that are way too long… ok first of all – metallic nails?? in uniform — no. the regulation states that your nails must be complementary to your skin tone… metallic is not complementary to any skin tone… one of the guys asked her if she was a fish when she said it was – … pretty funny… anyways — it was one thing after another with her on Wednesday and I couldn’t handle it anymore… I wanted to punch her… so I left the room as to not put myself in the setting anymore… bc obviously I wasn’t going to punch her, but I couldn’t guarantee I wasn’t going to completely lose my cool…

Wednesday dinner was yummy. they had Mongolian bbq 🙂 my AT buddy and I were going to eat dinner and have a beer, but there didn’t seem to be anyone serving at the bar 😦   we were sad…

we went off base after dinner (at my insistence) and explored “American Alley” for a little bit… it was 7:15 in the evening and still pretty hot…



American Alley



Thursday morning my lovely suitemate decided to slam doors at 3:30 in the morning… which of course woke me up… I attempted to get back to sleep, but could not…. so I waited until 5a and took a run and went to the gym… then the work day begins!!  we actually ended up getting out early today …. and I came back to the room, showered b/c I was DRENCHED in sweat, and then I took an hour nap and woke up to call husband… 🙂

i’m hoping tomorrow I get to take a tour of Bahrain… but they are kind of pricey…. Saturday one of the guys in the shop offered to take us to the Souq (which is essentially a market bazaar) and i’m excited about that… one of the other guys offered to take us to the Tree of Life after that… so that’s cool! 🙂



Sunset from my hotel room