Blog Archives

2/25/05

Ten years ago…

the world was pretty different…

although, I’m sure it was not as different as it seems…

I don’t remember all the crazy technology, and the sense of entitlement that abounded…

but I could just have been sheltered from it all…

10 years ago — the world had you…

and all the wonderful things you did for everyone in your life…

today, it doesn’t…

and hasn’t… for 10 years…

that’s an entire decade…

I wonder sometimes how things would be if you were still here…

I mean, not that I’d change parts of my life now — I am in love with an amazing man, and I didn’t think back then that it would be possible…

but, I wonder what actually would be different…

and . . . all we were was friends ((great, amazing friends, but friends nonetheless))

when I wonder what would be different I also wonder about your family that was actually blood… (and marriage)

of course, I don’t even know how they are now, but would we all still be friends??

I mean, I totally understand if not… things happen, people change, time marches on…

well. except…

not always…

anyways, I wish I could lay 10 white roses on your grave today…

i’ll always remember you… and i’ll always miss you. . .

http://archive-origin.ksdk.com/news/article/75967/3/Community-Friends-Bid-Goodbye-To-April-Wheeler

Rest in Peace always April Christine Wheeler

7/3/75 – 2/25/05

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my opinion – RIP Paul Walker

ok, so – Paul Walker died. That sucks, I liked him, he seemed a genuinely nice guy from the info surrounding him/lack thereof in the press.

and i thought he was pretty hot.

but that’s besides the point.

a lot of people on social media are lamenting his death.

and a lot of people are demeaning it b/c you don’t know the name of the latest military member to die in Iraq/Afghanistan/where ever, but you know that Paul Walker is dead and screw you for offering condolences to his family and friends and not the friends and family of the military member.

here’s my view on this.

Paul Walker – was a well known actor.

Joe Sailor is NOT a well known public figure.

his name isn’t all over the place – and i would presume, that’s the way he and his family want it.

as a member of the military – i don’t want my name all over the place… if i were to ever deploy. the people that actually matter – will know if i perish overseas.

and those people will care. and they will offer their condolences… just the same as the friends and family of the latest military person that died.

you’re right – that person’s name isn’t all over the news, and the world’s facebook/twitter feeds.

but – the majority of americans still respect and are thankful for the commitment and ultimate sacrifice that the person made.

they just don’t know that person, and while i understand the majority of people don’t know Paul Walker personally —

they know his name. they may have liked his acting, even if they didn’t – it’s pretty hard to ignore the popularity of the movies he starred in. . .

you can’t belittle people b/c they offer condolences, that’s almost as bad as the Westboro church…

–almost–

each person is allowed to express their disbelief and sadness over the loss of someone they admired.

it’s not anyone’s fault that they don’t know the name of the lastest soldier/sailor/marine to make the ultimate sacrifice.

http://movies.yahoo.com/news/paul-walker-death-went-down-true-speed-demon-145702423.html

So, RIP Paul Walker…

and Roger Rodas — his friend, the driver

http://projects.militarytimes.com/valor/

 

and RIP

Army Staff Sgt. Alex A. Viola  11/17/13, who died in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when his unit was attacked with an improvised explosive device while on dismounted patrol.

 

there’s this thing that happens

there’s this thing that happens when you find out something that has been going on for a very long time, and you were completely unaware…

it’s kind of bizarre…

but i’m not really going to go into much detail, only that i found out something over the past week that i had no idea existed…

and in turn, kind of ‘gained’ a new family… or something to that effect.

i also reconnected with an aunt that i hadn’t seen in YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS…

and – that was AWESOME…

my cousin was also super amazing in letting me stay with her and her man… and i’m SO happy for her that she’s happy, and he’s a genuinely good guy!! yay!!!

 

i also… gained 2 pounds while i was away… which —  i know, i know — 2 pounds… *gasp*

but.

i was only 2 pounds away from my goal…

and now i’m not…

and i was feeling thin and feeling better about my body… and now i’m not…

ugh.

gross…

i wish i could go into more detail about the first part of this post… but i haven’t decided on letting all those skeletons out… and … while i don’t care if i piss SOME people off… i do care if i piss others off…

 

In Memoriam – April Christine Wheeler July 3, 1975 – Feb 25, 2005

So much has changed

Nothing remains the same

The people we are

Are not the people we were

When you were taken from us

Our lives stopped, everything paused

And for awhile, the only thing we could think of

Was that you weren’t there.

That thought and reality overshadowed

Our lives on a daily basis.

As time passed, you are still in our memories

But we have lived, we are living.

We have loved, we are loving.

We will always miss you, we will always remember you

The way you lived, and loved, and laughed.

The person you were.

We sometimes wonder about the person you would be today…

Know that we always love you, and always wish you peace.

Rest In Peace.
April Christine Wheeler 7/3/75 – 2/25/05

frick and frack

holy geez. could my day get any more stressful??  i mean, i know i don’t have it that bad, i really do, but i feel like i’m in such a delicate state of mind lately, blowing up at nothing, going crazy for no reason, stressing out for things that i should be. . . but geez… sometimes it’s just too much…

so today… normal day . . . ok wait, no it wasn’t. we started work at 9:30 instead of 7 — THAT was kick ass, i could definitely handle working at 9:30 every day. . . so i didn’t go on lunch, no big deal, i actually ran out of time this morning and ate breakfast at work b/c it was too hot to eat at home. . . but i ate the sandwich that my wondermous husband made me, and he also packed a bunch of snacks for me, but all i had was the sandwich… no big deal no big deal, i was reminded (by posts on facebook) that my father was having his surgery today… so i texted my sister and told her to keep me informed.  .  .  so she did.
{{background — my father has lung cancer.  he’s been going through chemotherapy since they found it, and today was undergoing surgery to remove the cancerous tumor}} he went into surgery at about 11:00; and got out at about 1:30; they had anticipated 4 or 5 hours. . . so the good news is that they took less time, they bad news is — they took his ENTIRE right lung. . . now i’m not a genius, but . . . larger people have a limited breathing capacity anyways, so. . . i’d figure that he kinda needs that to exist normally, but sister said that it wasn’t functioning anyways, so he’ll be fine. . . ok. . . so he’s in the ICU right now, and there is stress on my end b/c of certain feelings involved in the whole father-daughter situation between him and i.
ok, so it’s stressful, but more on the end of my feelings, my feelings are causing me stress. my bestest friend Emily was able to talk (email) me through some of them, but, there are certain things i feel that i just can’t cope with well.
so, i go grocery shopping. retail therapy at it’s most helpful. . . i spend $115. . . um. . . oops. i spent $80 on groceries tuesday… we can afford it, but i’d rather not spend all that money. . . but now it’s done and over with. . . oh well.
so carefully navigating my way through rush hour and snow banks and my grandmother calls, i’m excited at this b/c i sent her flowers to be delivered yesterday… she delivers a crushing blow before i can even ask her about them.  and what sucks is i can’t share it at this time b/c not everyone has been made aware due to the stress of what’s happening with my father. . .
oh, and she didn’t get the flowers b/c almost everything was shut down yesterday in STL also, so i ruined that surprise.. .
but, this news hits me harder than i ever thought it would. . . and i called my husband but he’s busy at work, and it’s loud and i get off the phone with a feeling of neglectedness (yes i made it a word) and decide i have to call my boss to give him a heads up for tomorrow . . . and i start BAWLING. . . ON. THE PHONE., WITH MY BOSS. awesome. . . how awkward…

*sigh* ugh…

so i made dinner. i hope it comes out ok… and i hope Don likes it. . . but i don’t know WHEN he’s gonna be home, b/c his friend asked for his help with his car… yay.  *sigh*

 

oh life . . . what have i done???

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