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stress baby

i’ve determined, that since stress is known to make you produce more cortisol and cortisol is found to increase ‘brown belly fat’ – the fat that you gain around your midsection is a stress baby… just like you have food babies?? well… i have a stress baby… and i posted a pic on Facebook and all my friends are like what?!? there’s nothing there and getting upset  with me for complaining about it… but when i look down and see my stomach protruding as much as my boobs do… that’s a problem… so it doesn’t show up on my pic… it’s still there and it’s causing me distress. .  . . hence the juice diet.

although today has been so stressful i’m about to change my juice diet to just wine.

that’s juice.

it’s fruit.

just fermented.

same difference right?? fermentation is better for you right?? see: kombucha.

anyways. whatever.

last night i took the zucchini I had that was about to go bad and the rest of my kale that wouldn’t last much longer and a lemon I happened to have on hand and juiced that… this morning I added it to my breakfast juice/smoothie along with some chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, carrot juice, 1/4 avocado (good fats – ya know?) and 2 tbsp of my greek yogurt.

it’s 1:42 pm … I just ate (drank?) it… that was my breakfast. outside of my coffee.. it was pretty good…

i’ve been adding water to the juices to make them a bit thinner and fill up my mason jars… haha

i didn’t weigh myself yesterday before i started this diet. . . journey… hell? haha

today i just want to eat ALL the bad foods… i’m so stressed.

i used to never be a stress eater… i couldn’t eat if i wasn’t hungry – it made me sick…

age changes things i guess… i don’t like it.

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NO! SLEEP! TIL! ((not brooklyn))

so… if you know me, you know my schedule is, well… I don’t even have words for what my schedule is…
regardless – – i do know, that i’m exhausted.
ALL.
THE.
TIME.
ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
… the time.

b/c – every six days, i have duty… no big deal you say… right, it’s not. i signed up for it yadi yada yada… blah blah blah.
what i didn’t sign up for, though, is to go over 24 hours without sleep…
i will give them credit, they changed our shifts. they used to be at least 24 hours, but more often than not, it was AT LEAST 32 hours.
and we could sleep at work.
if the section had the manning, and there weren’t trouble calls, and you could actually sleep at work…
i took to attempting to sleep in my car, but for awhile, sleep wasn’t possible due to manning issues and shit going wrong…
and then i finally did start getting between 2 to 4 hours of sleep… which really, just made me ill, so i stopped doing that… but then i couldn’t do it anymore, i had to get SOME sleep, so i was doing 3 to 4 hours, and while it was wreaking havoc on my body, i suppose it was less havoc than no sleep…
anyways, like i said, they changed our shifts. we don’t come in until 3:30 pm the day of duty, and we leave around 8:30 the next morning…
but. we can’t sleep.
well…
that’s fine and dandy… you can say what you like, we did anyways…
until this morning when people got caught sleeping and it wasn’t a pretty situation… ((it wasn’t JUST the fact they were sleeping, i’m told))
so now, there’s a big deal about not sleeping…
but here’s the thing
here’s my example that i’m giving out while discussing this with co-workers tonight.
for duty on friday:
you want me to work monday thru thursday 7:30 am to 3:30 pm. ok – no big deal.
but – at the end of the day on thursday – i’m tired, just like i am at the end of every day. i need to go to bed…
granted i go to bed a LITTTTTTTLE bit later, but i’ve been up and running all day .. . i need sleep… i sleep in until 9 or 10 on friday … and then i just can’t sleep anymore, and more often than not – that sleep is disturbed and not solid, consistent sleep… but i get up and then do whatever it is i do throughout the day, and then go to work…
do you know how difficult it is to stay up until 9ish the next morning!?!?! not to mention – not safe, and not healthy??
we have to drive home after our shift. in traffic usually, and the bright morning sun…
with. no. sleep.
which has been proven to be just as bad as driving drunk.

also… we have six sections right now. we had four when we did shift work.. .but they claim we don’t have enough people to go back to four.
but.
um.
isn’t four less than six?!??
uhhh…
ummm…
oh.
ok.
seems legit.

ACV & Me

acv

so, a couple weeks ago i read a post that a friend had put on her facebook page touting the benefits of apple cider vinegar.
everyone knows that acv is good for so many different things…
i’m all for trying new things now and again…
i happen to have tried some acv in orange juice a couple times…
it gives it a KICK… but it never really did anything for me…
this friend said that she puts it in her tea…
hmmmmm. i drink tea.
ALL.
THE.
TIME.
so i decided to start doing that…
unfortunately it wasn’t doing much for me… ((read: anything))
i looked more into it and found that i should be using unfiltered, raw acv… which definitely is NOT the heinz brand that i have a gallon of… so i saw some at the store and picked it up ((see pic above))
and i’ve been drinking it almost every day in tea and today i tried it in some water with a dash of agave nectar & some cinnamon … that is actually pretty damn tasty!!!
and here’s my rundown – i can’t vouch for it boosting your energy levels b/c mine are so wonky b/c of my stupid schedule…
what i CAN vouch for is that it suppresses my appetite…
now any one who knows me knows that i get hungry at ridiculous times … and i’m hungry more often than i’m not… ((which DOES NOT make sense cuz i eat all the damn time!!)) well, since i’ve started this- i’ve noticed that i’m not nearly as hungry as often!! and when i DO eat – i eat considerably less than normal…
this weekend i skipped out on it and both days i was a lot hungrier than normal…
this hasn’t contributed to any significant weight loss as of yet, but… i only got it mid week last week…
so here’s hoping!!! and here’s also hoping that when i’m back on days it definitely boosts my energy!!

if you’re going to try it – make sure you try the unfiltered type – the Bragg’s brand that I got was not very expensive — i’m pretty sure it was less than $4…

good luck!!

so… then…

again, more of nothing, but i need somewhere to share my goals and rants and whatnot- so my fellow wordpressians you fit that bill. i know that i have a lot of new readers, and for that i thank you– and you’re thinking, um, why did i choose to follow this crazy girl’s blog? she doesn’t ever blog about anything important… it’s just a bunch of useless rambling, and yes, you’re right. this is my place to ramble on incessantly about anything i want. 🙂
but –
however it is that people find me – they do, and they *gasp* follow my blog… wow…
crazy
husband thinks it’s ridiculous that i post on here… and he thinks no one pays attention to it anyways,,, i like to think that they do…
altho i am kind of disappointed that my last two recipes don’t have ANY likes…
that makes me sad b/c they were DELICIOUS.

moving on then.

my last workout, which unfortunately was monday. so at the beginning of the week, and i want to be going every day… but work problems prevented working out on tuesday and exhaustion and intense leg pain prevented it the rest of the week… oh. yeah – anyways – i posted about the workout it was great, my legs were KILLING me for 3 days… which i guess is good right?
well, tonight i did my cardio/warmup and went up to do my routine … and i added to it.. i added 20 bicycle, and increased the ‘bend-downs’ to 20, and added 20 squats… oh, and 20 bridges…(not sure that’s what they are called)… well, i got through two sets of these… and on my last 2 lunges my legs just gave out… but i powered through to do my squats, they just weren’t the right form all the way through, but then… i just couldn’t do anymore… so i went and ran a quarter mile and then stretched out in the sauna… i was so mad at myself disappointed that i couldn’t finish the 3rd set… but at the same time, i also had to leave soon anyways… so… i’ll try again tomorrow night… hopefully i can go tomorrow (this) morning and get my prt practice in..

speaking of prt practice. i had a dream last night that i was doing my prt and i ran my mile and a half in 12:30 – which i know isn’t amazingly fast like all you super runners,  but hey – it’s good for me, by a long shot… that’s like an excellent high for me! or maybe outstanding … i don’t know off the top of my head… anyways, the people running it said it was too fast, and didn’t believe that i did that… so they told me i had to practice for it and take it again at a later date.

so i started practicing with some random people (that i know, just not going to name in blog) and the first part i was practicing outside… and i just knew that the track we were on wasn’t a mile and a half, but the guy was only making me go around once, and then i moved to inside and it was another person, and still only making me go around this track once, and it was even smaller !! but my times were like 1/2 the time for the prt… it was just crazy, and then — then!!! my dream completely changed, and i was swimming in the ocean with a girl i know, and i could see the ships and the submarines, and i was thinking about bringing husband so he could see it, then all of  a sudden there was a shark near me… and i tried not to panic, but i was not doing very well in that, and the girl i was with pointed to a rocky island and told me to be careful cuz there was another shark on the other side, and i started swimming for it, but a little fish bit my toe, and i had to wake up b/c i didn’t want to get eaten… and seeing as i was now bleeding, i knew that it was going to happen…

yeah strange right??

a couple more random things, and i will come to a close, i promise.

random thing 1. i weighed myself this morning, and i’m only TWO pounds away from my goal weight.

now, my goal weight and my ideal weight are two totally different numbers, and i think i’m doing pretty well to get where i am…

i’ve been trying to eat very healthy and very small portions (compared to today’s mammoth portions that exist) but i can’t keep away from sugar…. namely chocolate…but sometimes other random candy… altho — if i do indulge in chocolate, it’s always dark chocolate. . . which is so much better for you than milk chocolate 🙂

so hopefully i can keep on my gym kick, and get to where i want to be…

random thing 2. this bit of news will delight my husband’s best friend, even tho i’m SURE he doesn’t even give a second glance to the fact that i have a blog, so he’ll never know til i tell him… haha… anyways, i have decided… that i’m going to grow my hair out… right now i’m sick of not being able to find a decent hair stylist that will cut it in a flattering way that will last for longer than 2 weeks… i know that short hair grows out quickly and mine grows even more quickly, but i had a stylist in st louis that did amazing things with my hair !!! and i could go two months or MORE without a hair cut and without it looking ridiculous. as it looks now…

so i guess i’ll go in for one more haircut and tell my stylist that i’m going to grow it out and hopefully she or hell — he… can help me out…

so… that’s all i have to say for now…

who knows i  might post something else before the end of the night… it’s only 1230 and i’m here for another 7 hours…

wooooo

yay nights…

more of nothing

so, i did my workout last night, and i felt very good about it.
i wanted so badly to go to the gym again this morning, but… by the time i left work it was after 10 am
i got home at almost 11.
i was EXHAUSTED to say the least.
all i could do was pass out.. i couldn’t even really eat… and i was pretty hungry… but was way too exhausted to eat. . .
so i passed out.
went to sleep at 11… and woke up randomly throughout the day, but actually woke up at 5 pm.
i checked my email… and happened to see one from my bank saying that they noticed some irregular activity on my debit card.
wha!??!?!
so i logged into my bank account and holy hell!!! someone had racked up over $500 worth of charges.
IN CALIFORNIA.
i’m sorry… you may not know this — but i’m definitely NOT in california.
i’m on the east coast…
annnnd i definitely didn’t spend $500 today in over 20 transactions.
at the WIERDEST places.!!!
O’Reilly’s Auto Parts
The 99¢ Store
Albertson’s
and Food4Less

uhh??
so, i called the bank immediately and went over it all…
i am kind of torn — i put money into the account yesterday from another account, and i’m thinking that if i hadn’t put it there – i wouldn’t have this inconvenience right now, but then again, my account would be negative, b/c they’d have drained it in the first few minutes…at least now – i can pay something if i need to… and husband gets paid today, so we aren’t broke or anything… but — it’s just inconvenient…
*shrug*
so i gotta wait until the transactions are actually posted to my account before they refund the money… but i am pretty certain i’m going to have to fill out 25 different forms b/c the last time this happened, i had to fill out paperwork… and it was only one transaction…
but seriously this is always happening to me…
i don’t think i’m careless about my information… i only went to the gas station last night, however, i did sign up for upromise yesterday… i know that’s not a scam… but … did my information get sold from that site??
and along that note –
my email is always getting hacked, when i moved my husband from florida to chicago – my account got hacked, and i had to change my address, which was fine, i had been needing to change it for awhile anyways b/c it was my maiden name still… but, i’ve had to change my password a bunch of times, and it keeps getting sold to 3rd parties – and i’m constantly getting emails and even phone calls for payday loans and all sorts of crap…
it’s just so aggravating…
😦

next rant.
i am really feeling not well right now.
it started out with feeling dizzy and my ears feeling like they needed to pop… i was kind of feeling hungry for a little while.. .and now i’m just feeling ill.
my head hurts, my stomach hurts, and . . . i just generally feel unwell…
i guess i’m just tired…
however, i slept pretty well today i think… i didn’t even take my medicine this morning TO help me sleep…
i did however take some medicine tonight, and i’m wondering if that’s why i don’t feel well…
UGH ANNOYING…

running… navy style.

so, in my gym time tonight,
i made a decision.
as it’s nights, and i prefer/wish/like to do 2 works outs per shift (one at the beginning and one at the end) i decided that my second workout of the shift and the times that i happen to get to the gym/workout on my off days i’m going to do PRT practice.
our PRT schedule starts 29April and i want to get a super high score.
for those that don’t know – PRT is physical readiness test…
we get scored in our ability to do pushups, situps, and running the mile and a half…
my last one i didn’t do as well as i’d wanted…
and i also did it on the bike. .
my last practice one, i pushed myself super hard, but then almost threw up, so i had to back off a little bit..
and didn’t get as high as i wanted 😦
so, i figure if i start practicing… granted i don’t have much time left… i just realized how late in the month it is… *sigh*
if i take the latest availability – which is may 16, i have 3 weeks to practice…
i’m all over it!!!
like white on rice!!
haha

but, my goal is:
85 situps, 35 pushups, and my mile and a half in 13:30.
i prefer to run outside, i really do — vs the treadmill, but. . . our track is 2 feet wide, and you have a ton of people trying to run at the same time … and it’s just not smooth and even and flat… so, it’s kind of unsafe… so, rather than — i don’t know – sprain my ankle again, like i did last time – i’ll just run it on the treadmill…
*shrug*
better that than nothin – right?

yeah!
go me!

jdfhvlkdhgk hkahfkah fkjakd hakfha fbalkfh

so.
this is a compilation of a few things.
1. i’m super angry at my command right now.
– i put in a request to go to a certain school when i got here in october.
i finally got orders to go in february, i think… but – they were standby orders
so i was told i would get to go in april.
well. april’s school came – and someone else got to go.
and i asked the person who told me before that i’d be in the next class about it, and got a snotty response from another person in the training department,
and get to work tonight and find out that 3 other people that didn’t put a request in are going to the may class.
EXCUSE ME!?!?~?~?~? ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?! Oh holy hell i was angry. . . i yelled. quite a bit. and it just so happens that i have a meeting with my chief tomorrow morning and he will DEFINITELY be hearing about it.
2. i finally got to the gym tonight. i did a pretty good workout (i think…) i did, however, forget my boots for my uniform, so i had to cut it short.
i started with about a half hour of cardio … and then did 3 sets of: 20 bicep curls, 10 bend-downs (i made this up), 20 reverse crunches, 20 regular crunches, 20 oblique crunches, 20 standing oblique twists, 20 weighted lunges. i felt that it was a decent work out. however, i just felt fat even while i was doing it…
i don’t get it 😦
3. i’m very proud of my little girl kitten. she had been randomly peeing all over our clothes (mainly don’s) and i took her to the vet b/c i was concerned about her having another bladder infection… dr said it was behavioral… and suggested we get another box and put it somewhere … well, much to our dismay, the only place to put it was in our bathroom… so, now, while we do have litter all over the floor anytime they use it– there has been no more messes!! 🙂 yay bella!
4. i’m kinda sad that of my last 2 recipe posts, no one liked them… AND… that the last couple questions i had — people liked those posts, but DIDN’T ANSWER THEM!!!… :-\
that kinda defeats the purpose of reading the post, in my mind…
annnyyyywayyys
that’s all i remember for now…

just a vent…

so, i’ve been told that i’m going to be given the watch supervisor position once our current one leaves…

which is cool right?

except – it’s not.

because in getting this position, i am getting all sorts of freedoms taken away.

i am going to have to be in 45 minutes earlier… and leave whenever the hell i get to leave.

i’m going to lose my gym time… unless i can find someone to take over for the time i am gone… but at that – my time will be limited to only an hour… which really isn’t all that long.

i can leave at 5 (for example) and be back by 6. but, um. it takes me 5 – 10 minutes to get there, a couple minutes to drop my stuff in the locker, and then i get started, have to be back in time, so i have to leave 15 minutes early so i can get back in the shop in enough time. soo… um… that’s about a 1/2 hour of work out time… it’s almost not worth the effort … i can stay later — but, that means even less time to see my husband… the earlier time i have to be in – makes it more difficult to get something prepared for dinner that night… and like i want to cook when i get home around 9 pm?? if that does happen to be the case- getting home at 9 — i won’t see my husband… he’s in bed early b/c he has to get up early and works his ASS off… his job is VERY physically demanding and he’s exhausted when he gets home… so him cooking dinner is usually out of the question… he’s just too tired…

so, i don’t want this position.

but.

i don’t have a choice

*sigh*

 

 

my twisted view…

ok… here i go again…

i have issues, i know this.

i’m not fat.

i’m not overweight.

i’m not chubby…

however, i am flabby.

and not toned.

and not how i want to look AT ALL…

and this is my major complaint…

my husband loves me, and thinks i’m beautiful… however, even he agrees that there is definite room for improvement…

because, he’s used to what i want… and how i used to be.

and i have conversations with my friends all the time about this… b/c they don’t agree with me… i don’t see myself how others see me.

i see grossness in the mirror… it makes me cry… a lot…

it shouldn’t, i know… and all these people post that you should be happy with yourself on the inside blah blah blah…

but let me tell you — i see the outside.

and i’m seriously unhappy with THAT…

but i’m trying so hard to change it…

i really am…

😦

it’s just taking so much longer than i’m used to… i hate this whole getting older thing… it’s seriously affecting my ability to get back to where i want to be physically…

and yes, even though i am extremely happy with my amazing husband, i am seriously unhappy with my body…

and my love and happiness with him – doesn’t extend through to being happy with myself the way i am physically…

sorry, i just don’t work that way…

so forgive me friends, because my main complaint is my body… and i’m sorry that this annoys you so much…

try being in my shoes… and having this messed up brain that has a fun house mirror take the place of a regular mirror every time i look at it…

maybe i can remember

so, i posted a facebook status about this — but i’m going to talk about it a little bit more here…

the people here cannot drive worth shit!!! it’s absolutley insane.

my drive isn’t really that bad. it’ s 17 miles, mostly highway, on a good day with no idiots — it’s 20 – 25 minutes…

BUT… there are so many horrible drivers here?!!!? i totally don’t get it!!!!!!!!!!

and the way the roads are designed is just… insane… a toddler could do a better job!

i find myself driving with my hands clenched around my steering wheel so tightly that it hurts, and my jaw clenched just as tightly…

it’s pretty painful…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so, i started the special k diet last week… or this week… whenever – -monday.. .

annnnnd i bought all this stuff…

and then i realized that — this is so much processed food!! i don’t eat this much processed food on a normal basis… not even close… and now that’s ALL i’m eating except the fruits and veggies i can have… :-\

but, now i have all this special k stuff, so i gotta finish it out, and then i think i’m going to do the flat belly jumpstart diet… cuz that helped me lose weight last time i did it…

i’m working out as much as i am, on days i work at the beginning and end of my shift.. and i don’t know how that’s going to work when i start days this week…

however, i might try to do the programs that they are doing for the day workers… so, hopefully that helps…

but — BUT…

i’m not seeing any results… 😦

i’ve been doing this for over a month now, and nothing, and i know that results take time — but … i should be seeing SOMETHING… and i got nothing

i really need some help… i don’t have internet connectivity in the gyms i work out … so i can’t just go online and grab some workouts…

i research them at work, and even sometimes write them down; but – i just don’t remember the moves when it comes time to do it.. 😦

plus i’m craving candy!

i hate that!!! i hate craving sugar!!!

anyways…

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i did have more to talk about… but, i don’t remember it… of course… 😦

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