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stress baby

i’ve determined, that since stress is known to make you produce more cortisol and cortisol is found to increase ‘brown belly fat’ – the fat that you gain around your midsection is a stress baby… just like you have food babies?? well… i have a stress baby… and i posted a pic on Facebook and all my friends are like what?!? there’s nothing there and getting upset  with me for complaining about it… but when i look down and see my stomach protruding as much as my boobs do… that’s a problem… so it doesn’t show up on my pic… it’s still there and it’s causing me distress. .  . . hence the juice diet.

although today has been so stressful i’m about to change my juice diet to just wine.

that’s juice.

it’s fruit.

just fermented.

same difference right?? fermentation is better for you right?? see: kombucha.

anyways. whatever.

last night i took the zucchini I had that was about to go bad and the rest of my kale that wouldn’t last much longer and a lemon I happened to have on hand and juiced that… this morning I added it to my breakfast juice/smoothie along with some chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, carrot juice, 1/4 avocado (good fats – ya know?) and 2 tbsp of my greek yogurt.

it’s 1:42 pm … I just ate (drank?) it… that was my breakfast. outside of my coffee.. it was pretty good…

i’ve been adding water to the juices to make them a bit thinner and fill up my mason jars… haha

i didn’t weigh myself yesterday before i started this diet. . . journey… hell? haha

today i just want to eat ALL the bad foods… i’m so stressed.

i used to never be a stress eater… i couldn’t eat if i wasn’t hungry – it made me sick…

age changes things i guess… i don’t like it.

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Juicing; round: who knows

So….I have gotten pretty fat since I injured my ankle in December of 2014.  If you weren’t aware – that happened, and it didn’t get better until August 2015; but during that time I was getting out of active duty navy and moving back to florida and dealing with all the stressors surrounding that (including homelessness and joblessness!! fun times!!)

I have attempted to run again a few times, but, while i have the motivation (looking in the mirror makes me want to vomit) i don’t have the willpower or energy. I am still exhausted all the time… i thought it was due to the navy; and while it very well may be; according to the dr i saw a couple weeks ago – it will take my body a few years to get over the beating it took … i was hoping it would end. . . now my job is even MORE stressful than NCTAMS ever was… and i don’t get paid much to deal with it…

my ankle still does actually cause me problems when I run… if i don’t wear a brace, and sometimes even when i do…

i’m making excuses. just get out there and do it fatty. . .

i know. i need to.

i need to. i want to… i just….. can’t bring myself to do it…

so anyways; i’m starting a juice diet in the hopes of helping elevate my energy levels…

which to normal person might not make sense. – on the outside it looks like i eat healthy, i don’t eat tons … i don’t partake in junk food THAT often, and when I do – I try to keep even that healthy… but… i’m at a certain weight… i’m actually maintaining that weight sort of… just fluctuations that are normal…

anyways

so juicing.

which is a hassle and it is messy and it is time consuming…

so we were at the store last night to get some random stuff we needed and i told husband hey i’m going to get produce so i can start juicing again… he said well wouldn’t it be more cost effective to go to sam’s ? well, probably – so he says, why don’t we do it this way for now – see how it works, and picked up 3 bottles of pre-made juices… from Bolthouse farms.  one of them is carrot… just 100% carrot juice… the other two are mostly fruit… which is not how juicing is supposed to be —- for an effective juice regimen you need to do 80% veggies, and 20% fruits… so; my plan is to cut the juices with the veggies I *do* have right now (namely kale and spinach) so this morning i “made” six juices… maybe… maybe only 5.

my breakfast juice/smoothie consisted of 8 oz of carrot juice and a handful of spinach, a handful of kale, chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, and 2 tbsp of vanilla greek yogurt.
it was decent… thicker than juice, but thinner than a smoothie…

i then combined kale and spinach into 8 oz of the blue goodness and green goodness (separately) and then i combined 6 oz of green with 2 oz carrot and some more kale and spinach…

they aren’t bad. I hope they do some good at reducing the constant bloat i have been dealing with; and the lack of energy i have, and then some weight loss…

I was going to walk this morning, but it was storming, so that didn’t happen….

besides… it’s so difficult to wake up!!!

but, we’ll see how this works… if i get a chance, maybe i’ll update this … but maybe not…

nice talking to you readers 🙂

forgive the scattered incohesiveness (is that a word?) of this blog and the typos and lack of capitalization …

at least i got all i wanted out of my head!!!

 

so… then…

again, more of nothing, but i need somewhere to share my goals and rants and whatnot- so my fellow wordpressians you fit that bill. i know that i have a lot of new readers, and for that i thank you– and you’re thinking, um, why did i choose to follow this crazy girl’s blog? she doesn’t ever blog about anything important… it’s just a bunch of useless rambling, and yes, you’re right. this is my place to ramble on incessantly about anything i want. 🙂
but –
however it is that people find me – they do, and they *gasp* follow my blog… wow…
crazy
husband thinks it’s ridiculous that i post on here… and he thinks no one pays attention to it anyways,,, i like to think that they do…
altho i am kind of disappointed that my last two recipes don’t have ANY likes…
that makes me sad b/c they were DELICIOUS.

moving on then.

my last workout, which unfortunately was monday. so at the beginning of the week, and i want to be going every day… but work problems prevented working out on tuesday and exhaustion and intense leg pain prevented it the rest of the week… oh. yeah – anyways – i posted about the workout it was great, my legs were KILLING me for 3 days… which i guess is good right?
well, tonight i did my cardio/warmup and went up to do my routine … and i added to it.. i added 20 bicycle, and increased the ‘bend-downs’ to 20, and added 20 squats… oh, and 20 bridges…(not sure that’s what they are called)… well, i got through two sets of these… and on my last 2 lunges my legs just gave out… but i powered through to do my squats, they just weren’t the right form all the way through, but then… i just couldn’t do anymore… so i went and ran a quarter mile and then stretched out in the sauna… i was so mad at myself disappointed that i couldn’t finish the 3rd set… but at the same time, i also had to leave soon anyways… so… i’ll try again tomorrow night… hopefully i can go tomorrow (this) morning and get my prt practice in..

speaking of prt practice. i had a dream last night that i was doing my prt and i ran my mile and a half in 12:30 – which i know isn’t amazingly fast like all you super runners,  but hey – it’s good for me, by a long shot… that’s like an excellent high for me! or maybe outstanding … i don’t know off the top of my head… anyways, the people running it said it was too fast, and didn’t believe that i did that… so they told me i had to practice for it and take it again at a later date.

so i started practicing with some random people (that i know, just not going to name in blog) and the first part i was practicing outside… and i just knew that the track we were on wasn’t a mile and a half, but the guy was only making me go around once, and then i moved to inside and it was another person, and still only making me go around this track once, and it was even smaller !! but my times were like 1/2 the time for the prt… it was just crazy, and then — then!!! my dream completely changed, and i was swimming in the ocean with a girl i know, and i could see the ships and the submarines, and i was thinking about bringing husband so he could see it, then all of  a sudden there was a shark near me… and i tried not to panic, but i was not doing very well in that, and the girl i was with pointed to a rocky island and told me to be careful cuz there was another shark on the other side, and i started swimming for it, but a little fish bit my toe, and i had to wake up b/c i didn’t want to get eaten… and seeing as i was now bleeding, i knew that it was going to happen…

yeah strange right??

a couple more random things, and i will come to a close, i promise.

random thing 1. i weighed myself this morning, and i’m only TWO pounds away from my goal weight.

now, my goal weight and my ideal weight are two totally different numbers, and i think i’m doing pretty well to get where i am…

i’ve been trying to eat very healthy and very small portions (compared to today’s mammoth portions that exist) but i can’t keep away from sugar…. namely chocolate…but sometimes other random candy… altho — if i do indulge in chocolate, it’s always dark chocolate. . . which is so much better for you than milk chocolate 🙂

so hopefully i can keep on my gym kick, and get to where i want to be…

random thing 2. this bit of news will delight my husband’s best friend, even tho i’m SURE he doesn’t even give a second glance to the fact that i have a blog, so he’ll never know til i tell him… haha… anyways, i have decided… that i’m going to grow my hair out… right now i’m sick of not being able to find a decent hair stylist that will cut it in a flattering way that will last for longer than 2 weeks… i know that short hair grows out quickly and mine grows even more quickly, but i had a stylist in st louis that did amazing things with my hair !!! and i could go two months or MORE without a hair cut and without it looking ridiculous. as it looks now…

so i guess i’ll go in for one more haircut and tell my stylist that i’m going to grow it out and hopefully she or hell — he… can help me out…

so… that’s all i have to say for now…

who knows i  might post something else before the end of the night… it’s only 1230 and i’m here for another 7 hours…

wooooo

yay nights…

jdfhvlkdhgk hkahfkah fkjakd hakfha fbalkfh

so.
this is a compilation of a few things.
1. i’m super angry at my command right now.
– i put in a request to go to a certain school when i got here in october.
i finally got orders to go in february, i think… but – they were standby orders
so i was told i would get to go in april.
well. april’s school came – and someone else got to go.
and i asked the person who told me before that i’d be in the next class about it, and got a snotty response from another person in the training department,
and get to work tonight and find out that 3 other people that didn’t put a request in are going to the may class.
EXCUSE ME!?!?~?~?~? ARE YOU KIDDING?!?!?! Oh holy hell i was angry. . . i yelled. quite a bit. and it just so happens that i have a meeting with my chief tomorrow morning and he will DEFINITELY be hearing about it.
2. i finally got to the gym tonight. i did a pretty good workout (i think…) i did, however, forget my boots for my uniform, so i had to cut it short.
i started with about a half hour of cardio … and then did 3 sets of: 20 bicep curls, 10 bend-downs (i made this up), 20 reverse crunches, 20 regular crunches, 20 oblique crunches, 20 standing oblique twists, 20 weighted lunges. i felt that it was a decent work out. however, i just felt fat even while i was doing it…
i don’t get it 😦
3. i’m very proud of my little girl kitten. she had been randomly peeing all over our clothes (mainly don’s) and i took her to the vet b/c i was concerned about her having another bladder infection… dr said it was behavioral… and suggested we get another box and put it somewhere … well, much to our dismay, the only place to put it was in our bathroom… so, now, while we do have litter all over the floor anytime they use it– there has been no more messes!! 🙂 yay bella!
4. i’m kinda sad that of my last 2 recipe posts, no one liked them… AND… that the last couple questions i had — people liked those posts, but DIDN’T ANSWER THEM!!!… :-\
that kinda defeats the purpose of reading the post, in my mind…
annnyyyywayyys
that’s all i remember for now…

so i wanna post a blog

but, unfortunately, i have nothing to say right now.

i could complain about my every increasing weight… but — i’m pretty sure that won’t help me any… i complain about it all the time, in person, to my husband, to my co-workers, and to the few friends i contact…
i shudder everytime i look in the mirror. but i’m dieting, and working out… it’s just not as fast as i want it…

i can do an update… hmmm i’m working 12 hour shifts now.
trying to get 3m qualled (sp?) so i can do something, and impatiently awaiting getting into the indoc that was cancelled, b/c until i go through that i can’t officially start studying for my EIDWS pin. i want to get that before i advance… unfortunately, i’m going to have to start studying for the advancement exam… so it will be a little difficult to study for both and not confuse the hell out of myself…

umm, i’ve been perusing a TON of  blogs lately, i’ve found QUITE a few that i really like…
and then one that my friend started re-posting on…
so here’s a paragraph:
blogs i like. . .
http://usnspartan85.blogspot.com/   – a site from a fellow sailor… she’s very eloquent and super smart
http://thecheekydiva.com/  –  found her today while wandering through wordpress
http://righttobitch.com/  –  found him today while on the cheeky diva’s page
http://singlegirlblogging.com/  – ok, i’m not single. . . not by a long shot — but, i like the way this girl writes

these are just ones i’ve found in the past 24 hours…
oh, there was one from the other day that i found via freshly pressed: http://diaryofasadwidow.wordpress.com/   — i started reading it b/c of the title on freshly pressed – and ended up very teary eyed while at work… kind of embarrassing . . . but, hey it’s whatever…   (((((p.s. — i don’t know the proper protocol for linking a blog… i’m just sharing some that i happened upon…if this happens to be you and you are offended, i apologize, and please share the appropriate way to link))))

i don’t follow blogs, unless i know the person… i feel that it’s kind of intrusive BUT — i wish for more followers on mine… how’s that for a dumb idea…

i also wish i could be freshly pressed…

i read criteria for getting pressed — i don’t want to comply…
you have to link here and there and everywhere… well, honestly folks, i don’t click on those links 9 times out of 10… I don’t like it to change the page i’m on or open another window…

i’m on crack, it’s cool, i know

so there’s a substantial portion of information…

um, what else…

i spent most of one entire work shift (12 hours if you don’t remember) on craftgawker.com  ((ooh look i kind of linked!)) because it’s so interesting to see what other people come up with from within their minds. i have been wanting to make jewelry for a long time now, i’m just not creative enough… well, let me take that back.  i have GREAT ideas in my head… it’s just getting them out of there and actually looking the way i want them to that poses a problem…
kind of like drawing… DUDE let me tell YOU — in my mind, i’m a fantastic artist…
i have always had the dream of being a fashion designer… unfortunately… i can’t draw. worth. shit.

so needless to say, i feel the same way when i have this craft/jewelry idea in my head and … it just never works out.. husband even has laughed at some of the miserable failures that have occurred… and while he IS supportive of what i want to do –  there’s not always a logistic outlet or result for what i create… for instance i made this very cool (in my opinion) wall hanging to hang in our new place … yeah, um, it’s sitting in our spare room along with all the boxes that we have no idea what to do with… uh — not hanging… and i made coasters! they are so cool looking!! but, you can’t really use them, b/c for some reason, they don’t work right — you put your glass on it and it sticks… this does not go well with our new furniture… i don’t want to be the reason of a big dent in our new furniture… so i’m uninspired to create new things… i even made wall hangings back in illinois that i was just not happy with when i was done, but we hung them anyways, buuuut… ended up throwing them away when we moved b/c i wanted to do them better… ((yeah haven’t gotten there yet))     {note: look i linked!! and um, they are supposed to go to a new window, but it ends up changing the window you’re in… sigh}
anyways, i think i might attempt some form of making jewelry during my 12 hour shifts, b/c i’m gonna need a break from studying, and i start overnights soon… oy vey!!!

so, ok i guess i’ve rambled on incessantly enough for one blog…

~peace~

 

tsk tsk i’m not doing what i should be doing!!

so, i move on monday!

i get to see my husband on monday!!

this post should be called the one monday i’ll be thankful for!!!

oh, i also graduate c-school on monday… but — i’ve been done for over a week now anyways… no big deal…

i should be packing, and finishing the two projects that i have to complete so that they are waiting to surprise my husband when we arrive next saturday (or sunday) . . .

buuuut

i’m. not.

i have no self discipline sometimes… i HAVE gotten all my clothes folded… and most of them separated into not taking this back to IL and am taking this back to IL . . . but i’m only going to be there a few days, and i’m pretty sure my taking back pile is too big… ((oops))

but, that isn’t surprising knowing me… i WAYYYY overpacked for coming here in general… just figured what i did pack would make it easier on my husband cuz that means he didn’t have to pack it..

so anyways, now i have to pack it all up… .and i just can’t get motivated to actually do so…

even tho i’m super excited about moving… and finally having our kick ass apartment!! plus, i want to finish the projects so he’s surpised — cuz i think they are cool 🙂

and i hope that he doesn’t think having so many do it yourself projects is hokey… i’m sure he won’t, these are things that just cross my mind… i think that the project i made last week or whenever will go on the mantle . . . and then there are some red vases we have in the bedroom which will probably be relocated on either side of the board…

Inspired by a friend

My love board inspired by a friend who was inspired by pinterest

i took pictures throughout the process of making it with the hopes of uploading a tutorial… but wordpress and i seem to have issues when i want to do something like that…

i tried it before with a stuffed squash recipe… it just didn’t work… i even signed up at blogher and still couldn’t get it done right. it made me sad.. i’m still going to try it though. eventually. maybe.
oh just a random vent – regarding blogs — cuz that’s mostly where my stumbling takes me — i really get annoyed when people ask pertinent questions in a blog’s comments and the writer never responds… really!?!?! that irritates me, b/c you don’t answer it — that probably turns that person off, and they don’t try whatever awesome thing it was that you did/made; and probably don’t wanna read your blog after that b/c they were let down… and if they do answer them via private email — that’s just not fair — b/c what if i, while reading the blog, come up with the same question — wouldn’t it save a lot of time if you answered it in the comments and then everyone who might have that same question is saved! 🙂 yay!

ugh. annoyance.

if anyone ever actually asks me a question in a comment i will answer it!!

 let’s see what else…

i’m so excited to see my husband…

but here’s where the story turns sad…
i haven’t spent time alone with my husband since 1July,
the next day we picked up his brother, he has lived with ‘us’ since then… I say ‘us’ because i haven’t been there since 13July…
he will still be there until 3Oct, then on the 5th – we leave for VA . . .
which is great right?
well, we’re going to be having a roommate for the indefinite future…
I can’t really divulge much details… but it will be better for her … so much better than her life now…
it just means that i won’t be able to live our life how we are accustomed to for awhile… which really just sucks after not seeing him for so long 3 months…
but we are going on a date on monday night after he picks me up from the airport and i’m looking forward to that!! cuz i’m going to be dressed pretty for him, and i told him he had to dress pretty for me… yay!!! i just have to pick out a restaurant between midway and home… i think i found one… i just gotta look it up again… mainly cuz i don’t remember the name of it or anything…

but… i’m going to mess around on the internet a little bit more, or maybe make some lunch… i don’t know, i do know that i probably won’t pack… even tho husband just told me to get on it… oops…

~peace~

get this out of my head!!

so i miss out on posting a majority of the blogs i want to post. why? b/c i come up with them while i’m driving. it’s my distraction… i go on and on and on IN MY HEAD about what i want to write, and by the time i actually get a chance to sit down and type anything up — i don’t remember it… for example . . . my blog from yesterday (a bunch of blogs rolled into one–)) turned out to be only 2 things, now i know for sure that i had a LOT more topics to discuss . . . but by the time i got to it, i couldn’t remember them 😦 . boo. hiss. blah.

so i know i could swipe my husbands digital recorder i bought him ((for a similar reason no less)) but then there’s the whole talking into this thing while i’m driving; and maybe i just really don’t want to SAY the words out loud. i don’t say them out loud when i type them… ((unless i have a problem with wording…lol)) but — so i think it would be awkward to do that with the recorder thing… and then i would have to go back and then type it up as i listen to it, and i’ve actually done that for husband. he’s not a great typer, so i told him to say what he wanted to say and i’d type it up for him; well then he started talking to fast, so i gave him the recorder and said have at. .. and went to it when he was done, but i guess the recorder i bought him isn’t that great, b/c in order to rewind, i have to go all the way back to the start everytime i hit the button. STUPID.

so anyways… i wish i could just somehow get all the stuff out of my head that i want to get out — WHEN i want to get it out!!!

sometimes it’s just so aggravating.

I.

I.

 

I like an odd eclectic mix of music that is way younger than my own genre… my husband says I’m like an angst ridden teenager with the music I listen to, but hey I don’t care. Fall Out Boy, Taking Back Sunday, Paramore, stuff my sister got me turned on to, and I haven’t grown out of liking, but I still like Journey, Bon Jovi, Chicago, other random stuff… and Pink, Avril Lavigne, and Britney Spears, yes. I like Britney Spears… what’s it to ya?

I’m so sick of the cold. I’m so ready to be back in florida, so much so that I’m thinking of spending my Christmas stand-down in Fort Myers this year.  I am going to be a student, so why not take advantage of the 2 weeks off that everyone else takes… I will definitely have enough leave built up.  Just have to save up a LOT of money.

I had a dream last night – I was in St. Louis and met up with a LOT of old friends at this restaurant.
including:  Rebecca & Wally Reschke, Jess Mayo, Sara Daleen, Carrie James, Tara Hergenroether, Shannon Ulrich saw a person I’m not friends with any more, Nicole Schanda(Mumma) and there was a couple other people there, but it was just random…

I write out these awesome, informative, and amusing blogs in my head, but when I actually get to the computer to put them on “paper” they are not anything like they were in my head – cuz I don’t remember them. I should do what I did for Don and use his voice recorder to keep the thoughts from getting lost.  Like this blog I’m writing right now—so much better in my head, it had an order, it had a funny tone to it, and now it’s just random facts.

I refuse to give in to the whole Charlie Sheen, Glee, American Idol, and whatever else fad of the moment fanaticy is…just not interested.

I read the news, and I’m still kind of confused about some events going on. It’s kind of embarrassing…

I hate the Chicago area… it’s so miserable up here so much of the time… maybe it’s just in winter, but hell, winter in St Louis wasn’t this bad. Ever. I miss florida so much. The roads up here are something to bitch about too… holy crap, my car is so wrecked from the potholes and general mess of the roads. The way they fix potholes – throw some asphalt into the hole – no matter if there is still water in it, just throw some asphalt and tap it down with a shovel and drive on to the next one… um… I’m no expert, but I think it’s a bit more involved than that to actually fix it…

I also had a dream last night with Don’s sister Sarah in it… I don’t remember any of it, except she was in it and I talked to her… for those that don’t know – she was killed last January… the weekend that I met my mother in law and the rest of the family… mom was trying to get her on the phone the whole weekend… we found out the next week why she couldn’t.

I’m dreading going back to student status in Great Lakes.  I don’t want to have to deal with all the bullshit again… I wish I could go back to school while being staff, or at least have the same standard of life… *sigh* ten duty sections is so much nicer than four… being treated like a human is so much better than not…

I am going to murder my kitten.  I love her to death and she’s so cute. But she is rotten to the core.  She does all this stuff lately that she knows she is not supposed to do, AND she has started chewing on our bedroom furniture – our brand new furniture, and clawing it up to wake me up in the morning.  I can’t throw her outside the room and close the door b/c then she digs a hole in the carpet… she’s impossible. And she won’t stay out of the damn kitchen anymore… I don’t know what switched off in her mind to think that this is all ok…

I can’t wait to be thin again… I saw so much cute stuff I want to buy to celebrate a thin me again… but I have to get there first…

My back has been hurting so badly the past few weeks. I can’t stand it!!! But, I don’t know what to do about it besides use a heating pad, and pop Tylenol… :-\

I am now thinking about buying a black and decker hot tea machine thing.  There is one down the hall in another office, and it’s SO convenient!!! I could just buy a bunch of herbal teas and have a blast.  I am enjoying a plethora of them now due to FC2 Alyssa Zulevic giving me a bunch b/c I gave her some massaman the other day 🙂ha! Yay 🙂 {{and I’m being a good dieter and not adding sugar!!}}

It irritates me that people give me shit about trying to lose weight.  The person I am right now is not me.  I am too big.  None of my clothes fit comfortably, and no – I refuse to buy new bigger clothes.  That is not who I am.  I am a thin person. I am an active person. I don’t do well with extra fat on me.  There is no way in hell I could go to Florida right now looking the way I do. 

I had more to write, and then there are some things up here that I didn’t intend to write. Oh well. Whatever. Blog. Done. Must work now…

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