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Jingle Bells… Who Smells?

So, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Here’s my yearly after Christmas post. The tree is still up (of course!) and the lights are aglow.  It’s two days after Christmas ya know.

Anyways!

Our Christmas was wonderful.  We went pretty low key this year and decided it was the last time that we will actually exchange gifts… (other than little trinkets I’m sure)… we have anything we could ever want… however, starting next year we’re going to just buy ourselves something that we keep putting off… i.e. new dishware, utensils, pots & pans, a mattress ((this is next years gift)) …

I know many couples who no longer exchange gifts… and I think it’s weird… but – it serves a purpose… granted most of those couples have children and shower them with gifts; but this will be good for us – it will give us a chance to get the things we need that are a bit more expensive, and if we have leftover money – we can donate it to good causes. 

This holiday I got husband a drone b/c it was less than half price; a set of bongos (cuz he’s silly like that… and apparently I’m a glutton for punishment) some underwear & t-shirts – cuz he needed them…his Pandora One subscription, a puzzle box that he’s been wanting… a custom made t-shirt that he’s had his heart set on for awhile… and some Ferrero Rocher chocolates as a stocking stuffer. . .

he got me enrolled as a distributor for Young Living Oils… which I don’t actually plan on trying to hit up my friends to sell to, I just want good prices on some of the Essential Oils… I’m interested in not putting so much crap into my body; so I figured I would try them out… plus he got me a bunch of stuff for my Silhouette Curio to try new crafts.

Our good friends got us some tiki torches (NICE ones!!) and … OMG the best!! a gift certificate to a cleaning service… I’m the WORST when it comes to cleaning… I honestly have NO earthly idea how some people have kids, go to school, work full time AND maintain their household… seriously — wtf?!?!?  so; this will help me out. 

we had a nice Christmas brunch with our friends after a good run to combat all the eating we planned on doing for Christmas day 🙂 then a great dinner at the same friends house. It was a balmy 85 on Christmas 🙂

For our anniversary we went to Lover’s Key and then to dinner at Tokyo Bay in Estero.  The beach was awesome. . . it’s wonderfully amazing to be able to enjoy the beach in DECEMBER… I know many Floridians are complaining because we haven’t gotten our winter weather yet – but — I’m loving it… I hate the cold!!

as for school – I got a 4.0 this semester; I’m on the President’s List – but I only found out that information today when I logged into the school’s website to look at some things… I guess it’s not a big deal since I wasn’t made aware of it before… it was tough… but I think that’s because I haven’t been in school for so very long; and in the time that has passed; a lot about me has changed… I didn’t use to have anxiety and now I do; so I was super paranoid about not passing something… (anything) and I was in general just super worried about all of it… this next semester I’m only taking 4 classes vs 5. but i’m still just as worried about them! Starting my summer semester I’ll be taking classes for my actual major. . . I have to determine what I want to minor in – I thought I would do digital media; but I have to take art classes; and I don’t draw well… what is in my mind does not translate to the paper… so I have to rethink that decision…

also this year – back story: last year we found out that I am of jewish heritage… this year husband bought me some Chanukah candles so that we could observe my heritage… not any part of faith; but just observing who I am in general… it was such a thoughtful gesture… reminds me of why I love him so much…

anyways; thus ends my blog update for the time being…

have a wonderful new year!!!

 

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School Daze

So, I have started back at school.

I haven’t been in school (besides navy classes) since… wait for it…

2002.

ugh. almost 15 years.

So here was my schedule:

Elementary Calculus
Intro to Lit (b/c for some strange reason my world lit class didn’t transfer over?)
Accounting I (b/c yet again – my class didn’t transfer)
Statistics
Environmental Science – ONLINE!!

that’s a rough schedule. . . even for someone who has been in school more recently than 15 years…

and calculus?? I was very nervous… and it was warranted – I looked over the homework and there was just no way – the highest math I took in college was College Algebra.

and that — was in 1997.  my very first semester of college.

so, I picked up Precalculus – I debated taking College Algebra again – but then I would still have to take some kind of calculus intro course – so precalc combines calculus AND algebra (according to the description online) so … I took it – and most teachers in college don’t do a whole lot on the first day – go over the syllabus and whatnot … well this teacher dove straight in and so when I showed up on the second day of class I almost cried, and walked out, and just dropped the class entirely… but I thought about how I only have a limited time frame to do my courses and to start the next phase of schooling (getting into the business college to actually focus on my degree)

So I stayed and struggled and tried to understand what she was saying…
that was Friday… I had a quiz do on Sunday night – with no ability to get tutoring in between… I did ok on the quiz, but I went through every question and did the example question with it so that I had an inkling of how to even perform what the question was asking…

I thought that not having to work would make things easier, and while that’s infinitely true (I’d be seriously, quite literally dying if I was working full time right now) it’s still pretty difficult to get into the swing of things. . . make sure that everything at home is taken care of, get my homework done, do the required readings, and ya know – live my life still, spend time with my husband… all that normal day to day stuff… add to the fact that our house is still a cluttered mess – it’s kind of stressful… I don’t have a designated spot to do my homework, yesterday I was doing it in our closed off room, but while it worked environmentally; it didn’t work physically; b/c I was on the floor and it just was not conducive to comfort.  I finished yesterday’s homework at the kitchen table while husband watched tv in the living room… which wasn’t bad, but he kept wanting to share things with me, so it was a bit distracting…

we’ll see how it goes…

a story about today’s class.

we got put into groups. and I must mention – I am the oldest person in any of my classes, there *might* be someone close to my age – {or at least older than the rest – or he could have just looked rough} in my accounting class.  so bearing that in mind – groups. they were teacher picked – through a system she created. I was grouped with 3 18-year-old girls.
I’m. Not. Lying.

So the instructor says to exchange phone numbers – and this should be a super chance to go against her rules of having your phone out in class. none of them reached for their phones, they all just sat there staring off into space… I said well, shall we exchange numbers then?? and they all in some way or another responded yes… so I said well; I’m not dragging my phone out, but I’ll write them down for myself… so they each gave me their number, but no one else bothered to write anything down, or get their phones out or anything… this bothers me… these people are going to be in my group for the rest of the semester and already they’re showing pure laziness… I will NOT be the one to carry the group.  I will do MY work – and if they don’t like it – then they need to show the fuck up… and if I get screwed on a grade b/c of them – best believe they will hear about it. . .

we’ll see how it goes!!

wish me luck.

more posts to follow!

 

 

thinking out loud… via text…

so… i’ve been thinking lately… i know not something i normally do, right? haha

anyways, i’m just so tired of w\wearing a uniform every single day. i want to be a girl again, i want to have a first name and an identity…

and i’ve been back and forth all over the place about staying in or getting out… and i think… i think… that i’m probably going to get out…

on top of the whole issue mentioned above, i desperately miss florida…i know that’s a little insane, but, it’s just so much home to me and i want to be there…

so anyways, i’ve been thinking, that i might want to be an interior designer…

my dream was always a fashion designer, but… my drawing abilities are severely lacking…

and i know i should have some artistic ability for interior… but at least i don’t have to draw as well.

the only drawback is that – i’m not certain any of the schools in or near fort myers offer a degree in that field, limiting my post 9/11 gi bill abilities… Florida Gulf Coast University offers a certificate, but i don’t think that will qualify me for full time student status…

i don’t know… only time will tell

that’s just on my mind right now….

You’ve gotta love yourself first…

so, i’ve always heard – you have to love yourself first, well,

honestly.

what. does. that. mean?  i mean, i absolutely no question about it positively love my husband, regardless of anything he says or does that i don’t like, i love him. i may not like him sometimes, but even during our worst fights, i still love him fiercely…
but. myself?? well, somedays i hardly even like myself, much less love myself… i see all my flaws all the time, magnified… like this weight thing that’s dragging me down — it’s affecting SO much of my life, and i don’t know how to stop it… as i have said before, i’ve always had a skewed sense of self when it comes to my weight, so gaining this weight that i have gained, is DEFINITELY not working wonders for my sense of esteem… it’s making me turn down things i should be enjoying, b/c i can’t bear to be… well, naked for one, and just a whole bunch of things that at 32 i shouldn’t be feeling… granted i am getting better, but it’s a slow process… and i’m  not the most patient person… i just don’t possess that virtue… i’m impatient as hell, and i get angry when things don’t go the way i want them to… i’m not necessarily selfish, but in some ways i am… but those are ways that everyone is supposed to be selfish. everyone has to take care of themselves first, and yes, that is a selfish way to be, if you aren’t taken care of, then how are you gonna take care of anyone else?  and i know that mirrors the if you don’t love yourself how can you love anyone else, but i think it’s different, if not for anything else, just for abilities… if you don’t take care of yourself — that means you are incapable of much else, b/c you’re too far gone, too sick?, too unstable? i don’t know, i just know it makes sense in my head.  not taking care of yourself makes you ill, maybe invalid, or something… i know i am not wording this very eloquently, or even explaining it the right way, but it’s there, and i hope you’ll understand what i’m saying… like you get it — but even you can’t explain it the right way… anyways… so it’s different from self love…
((which kinda makes me giggle {in my mind} cuz it sounds kinda dirty — oh yes, surprise, i have immature moments… but it keeps me young))
one of my good friends posted something about her class the other day and said that she’s been teaching for 11 years… and i was like what!?!? 11 years?!??!  this girl is my age, holy crap, we’re old — she’s been teaching THAT long!??!  where has our life gone, although, she’s lucky — cuz she’s where i want to be (location wise) and i envy the hell out of that fact (LOVE YOU COURTNEY~~) but, anyways — 11 years… i’m 32… and i haven’t done ANYTHING for 11 years… is that a bad thing?? is that why my life is so unstable right now?? or maybe it’s not really unstable, i mean i’ve got a steady career right now, {as long as they don’t kick me out cuz of my  hip} and an amazing husband, and we aren’t struggling to live, we have a decent place to live, but, we are somewhere we DON’T want to be… somewhere that we moved hundreds of miles to get away from, and we’re right back in it… but i really don’t have anything to complain about that’s serious… there are tons of people with things way worse than we have it… granted Don hates his job, but — it gave him flexibility to go to my dr appts, since i’m getting better, he’s going to start seriously searching for a new one, but his job provides us with play money… my paychecks pay our bills, and my bills (from the past) and put food on our table etc… and yeah i’ve had this unexplainable and undiagnosable hip pain for over a year now… but, it’s not life threatening… and it’s inconvenient, yes, bu it could be worse, this i know… but it has made MY life difficult… and put me behind in so many ways… the first year of my marriage hasn’t been what it should have been b/c i couldn’t do ANYTHING… we couldn’t go ANYWHERE without a lot of pain, and who wants to deal with that?? and now i’m behind where i should be in my career, granted i’ve made a bunch of friends, and learned a lot of stuff, but, i’d much rather be out where i should be right now… finishing c school and going where i’m going to be stationed… b/c i am excited to see where that will be… and back to the impatience — i am impatient — i want to get there already~!! station me in greece, italy, japan, hawaii, SOMEWHERE… i just am tired of waiting… and i’m going to be waiting and getting more frustrated with going back to school… cuz that’s another 7 months, and then who knows HOW long for orders next year… *sigh* and THAT’s from june, not 7 months from now, and hopefully it’s june b/c who knows how long it will take for them to cut the orders for me to go back to school… *sigh* ughhhhh

so many ifs, so many questions!!!
but anyways, love yourself?? yeah… i’m just not sure about that, but it doesn’t affect my love for others… i just gotta get back to me… cuz right now, that’s not who i am… i am this altered version, that is all the negatives, magnified… and it’s not good, even my husband doesn’t wanna be around me sometimes, and i’m stuck with me, so what do i do…

is that your final answer

Here we go. I’ve finally made a decision to determine where I go from here. (here being when I get off LIMDU status and am finally fit for full) I was busy trying to get all the stuff required to take the advancement exam in March for Yeoman. . . trying to study, etc. etc.  well, I was informed when I got back from Grandpa’s funeral that my chit might not be approved, so, I put some thought into it. . . soul searching, discussing the future with my husband, and whatnot. . . and there is a small percentage of advancement for YN, which isn’t a HUGE deal for me, but, I can make  3rd class ET just by getting through A School, PLUS when I DO finally get through A school – I collect a $10K bonus. That in and of itself caused me to doubt my initial decision when I made it to cross over to YN, and at that time I decided to go ahead and pursue it, but now seeing that it might not be approved, I decided to withdraw my chit (request) for that.  So once I get off LIMDU, I will (hopefully) get orders to go to ET A school.  I talked to people about testing back into ATT to where I was before I was dropped, and they said it would be easier and better in the long run to just start over. Which will be beneficial for my learning the information, the classes have changed and are all rate specific instead of having several different rates in one class, going over different information.  But – it does mean that I will have to revert back to student status for that much longer, which is 7 months total. Give or take some weeks for school, but then I wait for orders… :-\ and that could take awhile… the LT in charge of the school house said today that she had a student graduate in December and his orders aren’t until June.  So I will definitely look into a SNUFI position again if that is the case.  It’s just going to be difficult to transition back to the student status after being staff for a year, and I was a SNUFI before for quite a while… dealing with all the BEQ crap that goes on, the immaturity of people around me, the 4 duty section rotation instead of 10 (eek!!) *sigh* that part is what sucks the most . . . but as my husband and a few other people said, anything worth doing isn’t easy…

So, here goes nothing. Right?

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