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stress baby

i’ve determined, that since stress is known to make you produce more cortisol and cortisol is found to increase ‘brown belly fat’ – the fat that you gain around your midsection is a stress baby… just like you have food babies?? well… i have a stress baby… and i posted a pic on Facebook and all my friends are like what?!? there’s nothing there and getting upset  with me for complaining about it… but when i look down and see my stomach protruding as much as my boobs do… that’s a problem… so it doesn’t show up on my pic… it’s still there and it’s causing me distress. .  . . hence the juice diet.

although today has been so stressful i’m about to change my juice diet to just wine.

that’s juice.

it’s fruit.

just fermented.

same difference right?? fermentation is better for you right?? see: kombucha.

anyways. whatever.

last night i took the zucchini I had that was about to go bad and the rest of my kale that wouldn’t last much longer and a lemon I happened to have on hand and juiced that… this morning I added it to my breakfast juice/smoothie along with some chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, carrot juice, 1/4 avocado (good fats – ya know?) and 2 tbsp of my greek yogurt.

it’s 1:42 pm … I just ate (drank?) it… that was my breakfast. outside of my coffee.. it was pretty good…

i’ve been adding water to the juices to make them a bit thinner and fill up my mason jars… haha

i didn’t weigh myself yesterday before i started this diet. . . journey… hell? haha

today i just want to eat ALL the bad foods… i’m so stressed.

i used to never be a stress eater… i couldn’t eat if i wasn’t hungry – it made me sick…

age changes things i guess… i don’t like it.

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frick and frack

holy geez. could my day get any more stressful??  i mean, i know i don’t have it that bad, i really do, but i feel like i’m in such a delicate state of mind lately, blowing up at nothing, going crazy for no reason, stressing out for things that i should be. . . but geez… sometimes it’s just too much…

so today… normal day . . . ok wait, no it wasn’t. we started work at 9:30 instead of 7 — THAT was kick ass, i could definitely handle working at 9:30 every day. . . so i didn’t go on lunch, no big deal, i actually ran out of time this morning and ate breakfast at work b/c it was too hot to eat at home. . . but i ate the sandwich that my wondermous husband made me, and he also packed a bunch of snacks for me, but all i had was the sandwich… no big deal no big deal, i was reminded (by posts on facebook) that my father was having his surgery today… so i texted my sister and told her to keep me informed.  .  .  so she did.
{{background — my father has lung cancer.  he’s been going through chemotherapy since they found it, and today was undergoing surgery to remove the cancerous tumor}} he went into surgery at about 11:00; and got out at about 1:30; they had anticipated 4 or 5 hours. . . so the good news is that they took less time, they bad news is — they took his ENTIRE right lung. . . now i’m not a genius, but . . . larger people have a limited breathing capacity anyways, so. . . i’d figure that he kinda needs that to exist normally, but sister said that it wasn’t functioning anyways, so he’ll be fine. . . ok. . . so he’s in the ICU right now, and there is stress on my end b/c of certain feelings involved in the whole father-daughter situation between him and i.
ok, so it’s stressful, but more on the end of my feelings, my feelings are causing me stress. my bestest friend Emily was able to talk (email) me through some of them, but, there are certain things i feel that i just can’t cope with well.
so, i go grocery shopping. retail therapy at it’s most helpful. . . i spend $115. . . um. . . oops. i spent $80 on groceries tuesday… we can afford it, but i’d rather not spend all that money. . . but now it’s done and over with. . . oh well.
so carefully navigating my way through rush hour and snow banks and my grandmother calls, i’m excited at this b/c i sent her flowers to be delivered yesterday… she delivers a crushing blow before i can even ask her about them.  and what sucks is i can’t share it at this time b/c not everyone has been made aware due to the stress of what’s happening with my father. . .
oh, and she didn’t get the flowers b/c almost everything was shut down yesterday in STL also, so i ruined that surprise.. .
but, this news hits me harder than i ever thought it would. . . and i called my husband but he’s busy at work, and it’s loud and i get off the phone with a feeling of neglectedness (yes i made it a word) and decide i have to call my boss to give him a heads up for tomorrow . . . and i start BAWLING. . . ON. THE PHONE., WITH MY BOSS. awesome. . . how awkward…

*sigh* ugh…

so i made dinner. i hope it comes out ok… and i hope Don likes it. . . but i don’t know WHEN he’s gonna be home, b/c his friend asked for his help with his car… yay.  *sigh*

 

oh life . . . what have i done???

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