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my twisted view…

ok… here i go again…

i have issues, i know this.

i’m not fat.

i’m not overweight.

i’m not chubby…

however, i am flabby.

and not toned.

and not how i want to look AT ALL…

and this is my major complaint…

my husband loves me, and thinks i’m beautiful… however, even he agrees that there is definite room for improvement…

because, he’s used to what i want… and how i used to be.

and i have conversations with my friends all the time about this… b/c they don’t agree with me… i don’t see myself how others see me.

i see grossness in the mirror… it makes me cry… a lot…

it shouldn’t, i know… and all these people post that you should be happy with yourself on the inside blah blah blah…

but let me tell you — i see the outside.

and i’m seriously unhappy with THAT…

but i’m trying so hard to change it…

i really am…

😦

it’s just taking so much longer than i’m used to… i hate this whole getting older thing… it’s seriously affecting my ability to get back to where i want to be physically…

and yes, even though i am extremely happy with my amazing husband, i am seriously unhappy with my body…

and my love and happiness with him – doesn’t extend through to being happy with myself the way i am physically…

sorry, i just don’t work that way…

so forgive me friends, because my main complaint is my body… and i’m sorry that this annoys you so much…

try being in my shoes… and having this messed up brain that has a fun house mirror take the place of a regular mirror every time i look at it…

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