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stress baby

i’ve determined, that since stress is known to make you produce more cortisol and cortisol is found to increase ‘brown belly fat’ – the fat that you gain around your midsection is a stress baby… just like you have food babies?? well… i have a stress baby… and i posted a pic on Facebook and all my friends are like what?!? there’s nothing there and getting upset  with me for complaining about it… but when i look down and see my stomach protruding as much as my boobs do… that’s a problem… so it doesn’t show up on my pic… it’s still there and it’s causing me distress. .  . . hence the juice diet.

although today has been so stressful i’m about to change my juice diet to just wine.

that’s juice.

it’s fruit.

just fermented.

same difference right?? fermentation is better for you right?? see: kombucha.

anyways. whatever.

last night i took the zucchini I had that was about to go bad and the rest of my kale that wouldn’t last much longer and a lemon I happened to have on hand and juiced that… this morning I added it to my breakfast juice/smoothie along with some chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, carrot juice, 1/4 avocado (good fats – ya know?) and 2 tbsp of my greek yogurt.

it’s 1:42 pm … I just ate (drank?) it… that was my breakfast. outside of my coffee.. it was pretty good…

i’ve been adding water to the juices to make them a bit thinner and fill up my mason jars… haha

i didn’t weigh myself yesterday before i started this diet. . . journey… hell? haha

today i just want to eat ALL the bad foods… i’m so stressed.

i used to never be a stress eater… i couldn’t eat if i wasn’t hungry – it made me sick…

age changes things i guess… i don’t like it.

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Juicing; round: who knows

So….I have gotten pretty fat since I injured my ankle in December of 2014.  If you weren’t aware – that happened, and it didn’t get better until August 2015; but during that time I was getting out of active duty navy and moving back to florida and dealing with all the stressors surrounding that (including homelessness and joblessness!! fun times!!)

I have attempted to run again a few times, but, while i have the motivation (looking in the mirror makes me want to vomit) i don’t have the willpower or energy. I am still exhausted all the time… i thought it was due to the navy; and while it very well may be; according to the dr i saw a couple weeks ago – it will take my body a few years to get over the beating it took … i was hoping it would end. . . now my job is even MORE stressful than NCTAMS ever was… and i don’t get paid much to deal with it…

my ankle still does actually cause me problems when I run… if i don’t wear a brace, and sometimes even when i do…

i’m making excuses. just get out there and do it fatty. . .

i know. i need to.

i need to. i want to… i just….. can’t bring myself to do it…

so anyways; i’m starting a juice diet in the hopes of helping elevate my energy levels…

which to normal person might not make sense. – on the outside it looks like i eat healthy, i don’t eat tons … i don’t partake in junk food THAT often, and when I do – I try to keep even that healthy… but… i’m at a certain weight… i’m actually maintaining that weight sort of… just fluctuations that are normal…

anyways

so juicing.

which is a hassle and it is messy and it is time consuming…

so we were at the store last night to get some random stuff we needed and i told husband hey i’m going to get produce so i can start juicing again… he said well wouldn’t it be more cost effective to go to sam’s ? well, probably – so he says, why don’t we do it this way for now – see how it works, and picked up 3 bottles of pre-made juices… from Bolthouse farms.  one of them is carrot… just 100% carrot juice… the other two are mostly fruit… which is not how juicing is supposed to be —- for an effective juice regimen you need to do 80% veggies, and 20% fruits… so; my plan is to cut the juices with the veggies I *do* have right now (namely kale and spinach) so this morning i “made” six juices… maybe… maybe only 5.

my breakfast juice/smoothie consisted of 8 oz of carrot juice and a handful of spinach, a handful of kale, chia seeds, wheatgrass powder, and 2 tbsp of vanilla greek yogurt.
it was decent… thicker than juice, but thinner than a smoothie…

i then combined kale and spinach into 8 oz of the blue goodness and green goodness (separately) and then i combined 6 oz of green with 2 oz carrot and some more kale and spinach…

they aren’t bad. I hope they do some good at reducing the constant bloat i have been dealing with; and the lack of energy i have, and then some weight loss…

I was going to walk this morning, but it was storming, so that didn’t happen….

besides… it’s so difficult to wake up!!!

but, we’ll see how this works… if i get a chance, maybe i’ll update this … but maybe not…

nice talking to you readers 🙂

forgive the scattered incohesiveness (is that a word?) of this blog and the typos and lack of capitalization …

at least i got all i wanted out of my head!!!

 

DIY Blueprint Juice Cleanse

I’m on day 4 of this juice cleanse… it’s a diy blueprint cleanse — as the bpc costs hundreds of dollars (insane!!) and there’s a plethora of diy stuff online, I figured I’d find one myself… and didn’t realize that last year when I researched juice cleanses I had decided this had too much fruits… it doesn’t really… as I got all the stuff together and there were only some apples and lemons, so I’m not sure why I had that thought last year…
so I’m on day 4, and I’m down 4 pounds… granted most of it is probably water weight, but… yesterday when I looked at myself (didn’t take/post any pics) my stomach was a lot flatter than it has been lately…
not that I’ve been eating inherently unhealthy (often) but it’s just really fat lately… it’s disgusting…
and before you get upset b/c I’m saying something on me is fat – note – -my fat is different than your fat. my body – different than yours, my ideals for myself are different than yours, or the ones I even judge others by… I have body dysmorphia (sp?) big time… it might not truly be severe, but **shrug** I don’t know, I just know that I see myself VERY differently than others see me… we are our own harshest critics and all that, but this goes above and beyond that…
anyways, I was unable to work out for a few months due to an ankle injury and my weight just ballooned. it’s disgusting… I look in the mirror and want to cry… I can’t run still, but I can work out, and I’m trying to do cardio, but it does hurt… I should try swimming, but then I’d have to put a swimsuit on, and I can’t do that…
anyways, so day 4 is a 24 hour shift at work. the actual cleanse itself calls for no solid foods for the duration of the cleanse, which actually might be only 3 – 5 days, but i’m trying for 10…
but it’s a 24 hour day… that I’ll be awake.. .ALL. DAY. and NIGHT… so, I cut up a lot of fresh veggies and will supplement if I need to… but, I’m hoping I don’t have to…
I figure if I do, then at least it’s healthy stuff!! carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, and mini peppers
no fruits – so no extra sugars (yes I’m aware that some veggies have a sugar content, more than likely the carrots and peppers over the cauli/broccoli) but…. it’s all natural, so it’s at least healthier than added sugars…
I’m craving all sorts of things, and I have strayed . . . because my schedule is wonky and I have appointments all over the place and trainings and such, so I don’t get to drink a prescribed juice at a certain time… I haven’t been awful, but on Friday, I had a cracker during the day, and 3 French fries that night, we went out, I was up much later than normal, and didn’t have my last ‘juice’ of the day (which is a home made cashew milk) so I was STARVING and husband ordered some fries… (loaded… omgggg) but I thought only 3 fries was a pretty good feat given that I’m a potato fiend!!! and the cracker was during a training during the day b/c I couldn’t grab my juice since it was in a different building. . .
on Saturday I had a couple of cashews, but I figure this isn’t so bad b/c they’re part of the milk I make for the end of the day… I just grabbed a couple out of the ones I was putting aside for the mix… so, last year when I did the cleanse, I beat myself up if I strayed… this time, i’m not doing that… my sanity is more important … so, i’m not even eating a quarter of a serving of the 3 times I strayed, just a bite basically… **shrug** judge me if you will… tell me it defeats the entire purpose, but failure would be not finishing it, and I have every intention of doing so…

Glitter herpes

so a couple random things here and there.

i did the whole juicing cleanse and then diet…

i lost a total of 6 pounds depending on the day.

i have two to three pounds left to lose.

i’m still drinking juices, however, i’m incorporating a lot more food into my diet (and sometimes i feel guilty as hell)

i think for the last two or three pounds though, i’m going to to strict juice again…

i just want to lose it and keep it off.

i’m pretty stoked about the weight loss tho.

i last weighed as much as i do now before i went to florida for my vacation in april of 2012. . .

i then gained 7 pounds back b/c we ate like pigs kings we were on vacation (cuz we were) and i had the WORST time getting it back off.

it was such a struggle and i actually only got to my first goal weight once or twice since april… and now i’m two to three pounds away from my dream goal weight…

i’ve been running a lot lately, but honestly , i think i’m getting worse instead of better… Lovely vegan girl and I did a couch to 5k training program and then we started a 10K training program… i feel like i’m regressing instead of progressing though 😦

but i’m registered for my first ever 5k!!! i’m going to run a color run in april!! i’m super excited about it!!

but, i’m sad b/c she’s now getting out, and i’ll have to continue the training alone… it’s such a bummer running alone… ((especially inside!!))

but, i need to maintain my motivation and also get back to regular workouts along with the runs b/c i still need to tone up so that losing the weight i’ve lost actually shows…

i can’t wait to have a toned tummy . . . i know that my legs and booty are more of a problem, but the first thing i see is my stomach . . . and i want it to not be poochy…

i’ve always had a problem with that though… even when i was seeing a personal trainer in st. louis a hundred years ago, my main problem was my stomach . . . the rest of me was smoking hot, but i had a huge issue with my pooch… i felt like it looked like i’d had a child, even though i never had…

((that i’m aware of — i mean i DO have some repressed memories… could i have repressed a whole 9 months?!?!  lol… juuuuuusssssst kidding))

anyways… next subject:

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one of the reasons i’m so sick of the military is b/c i don’t feel like a girl… i can’t do what i want with my hair (color wise) and i can’t have pretty girly nails that i want (other than pink… or beige… (((blah!!))) and . . . i don’t have a first name.

i think i hate that most of all… (well other than the uncomfortable uniforms…)
but, one of the things that i do to help me deal with that is call the girls in my section  by their first names… guys are different, and even in the real world — a lot of them go by their last names…

it’s not like that with girls…

the thing is though… while i call all of them by their first names, i’m still called by my last name…

it makes me sad…

sometimes i just get so shocked when i DO hear my first name…

but… it also makes me feel like i read more into their friendship than they do into mine… if that makes sense… like i consider them more a friend than they consider me…

i don’t know if that’s a valid concern at all… it’s just how i feel…

and i know that no one joins the military to make friends — i’ve said that more than my fair share of times, but … at a certain point you do make friends with the people you work with. . . .

but. . . it is what it is… *sigh*

*****************************************************************

so… i have some girls i work with that have baby girls (or one on the way) and one of them has a registry on etsy and there were these cool looking little feetie flower things . . . and they look SO easy to make!! so i ordered some stuff to make them!! i’m excited to get the stuff in… i tried making a flower out of quilting blocks… but i’m not too pleased with how it started to turn out… i haven’t finished it yet… but… i think i need to figure out a different way to do it…

and while i was researching the flowers, i thought about tutus…

and OMG . . . !!! i decided i needed to make the babies at least one…

so my first one – i made for the little one that’s here for her valentine’s day pics!!

it is SUPER cute!! and it didn’t really take all that long… it did however make the most mess ever!!

i used glitter tulle…

and i think there is more glitter on me and the floor and the desk than stayed on the fabric!!

but holy monkeys it is the cutest thing i’ve ever made!!!! and i can’t wait to get a picture of it!!!!!!!!!

i made it at work (i’m productive) so i can’t take a picture of it… but there is glitter EVERYWHERE…

i’m sure the vacuum isn’t going to suck it all up – so our work center supervisor will feel like a princess when she gets to her desk… lol!!!

have i mentioned how adorable this tutu is!?!?!?

so cute!!!!

i got extra tulle, so i’m going to return the two rolls i didn’t need and get some to make a st patrick’s day one for baby on the way –

um. scratch that… we just realized she’s not due til after SPD, soooo… that’s not going to work… mama to be said she thinks she’ll be here early, but i don’t wanna make one that won’t be used and can’t be sold til after the fact…

i’ve got some fourth of july flowers and bands coming to make the headbands and footie things… so i’ll just focus on the tutu for then… that will be fun 🙂 red white and blue! 🙂
and non glitter tulle…

learned my lesson on THAT one!!!

but, if these do become successful, which i already think the tutus are — after just my first one, i’ll probably sell them on etsy! 🙂

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next subject:

housing.

i pay a shit ton of money for rent.

way more than my bah.

and bah went down for this area . . . so even MORE than what bah would be if i hadn’t already  been making what i was… (thankfully they don’t change your rate unless it goes UP)

and i don’t think i’m getting what i pay for…

so, we’re going to look for a house when our lease comes due…

but, i don’t know when to start looking.

our lease expires in october, but i have to give a two month notice if we are leaving…

but what if i find a place and they don’t want to hold it that long??? i can’t pay extra to get out of my lease early,, and i don’t want to pay more for my rent if i have to extend it a month or two… b/c it’s going to go up – that’s a given… ((which i don’t get — here let me reward your loyalty by raising your rent)) but if i only extend it a month or two it’s going to go up by upwards of $200!!! instead of just the $30ish. . .

that’s not ok.

so… i just don’t know when to start looking, and i don’t know if i find a place i like if they will hold it for two months for me… ((or three if i start looking earlier…which is probably necessary))

i could just stay where we are — but it’s so hard to save money when i’m paying so much in rent…

i already pay for ALL my utilities so there won’t be sticker shock in that, but husband says that our electric will probably be a lot more — but i’m hoping that we can become more aware of our usage…

our bill this month was $181!!!!!

we used TWICE the amount of energy this month vs last january…

that is NOT ok.

so, we’re going to try to figure a way to make things better…

maybe this january was colder than last… but — regardless – not ok.

if anyone has any suggestions about any of the housing issues i’ve stated, please bring them on… my biggest concern is the lease issue… finding a place that will either wait for our lease to end… or finding a place at all…

one of my MAJOR concerns is not being able to find a place after giving notice… but i have to give a two month notice… but i really want out … but what if i don’t find a place that meets all of our criteria… and i know i know — you say – change your criteria — but there are some things that we can’t change.

so… *sigh*  i hope it all works out… granted — it’s january… and i don’t have to start worrying hard core until august?? earlier?? who knows…

it stresses me out… i don’t know what to do…

but i did find out that i can use a realtor to find me rentals for free!! i always thought they’d charge, b/c i know they charge commissions on sales… i figured they’d charge something for finding rentals too!!… don’t judge me if you knew this already… i’ve never used one before, so. . . :-p

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moving on.

tomorrow i have labs in the morning for my physical exam.

i tried to explain to my dr that i need to know what time the lab closed b/c i work nights and i can’t really sleep most the day going without food and water and then stop my food and water intake at midnight so that i can do my testing in the morning… obviously she’s not the sharpest crayon in the box, b/c the only thing she told me was the lab opens at 7, don’t drink or eat anything after midnight.

ok. um.

yeah – that’s not what i asked…

but whatever. fine.

I AM SO THIRSTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and — some people say i should be able to drink water, but — her email just says NOTHING to eat or drink after midnight…

ugh!!!!

ok.

yeah.

that’s it.

i think i’m done.

~peace~

Juicing – Day 7 — part 1

so, i have been juicing for a whole week… except i had food last night ( a salad)

and it actually eased my hunger for many more hours than the juice has been … so i guess there’s something to be said about not ingesting the fiber that is included in regular veggies while you’re juicing. not that i am denouncing it or anything… just an observation.

i have determined that the best part about allowing myself food again is being able to taste what i make my husband for dinner.

cuz up til now i wasn’t sure how good it was cuz i couldn’t eat it…

but tonight i made him dinner and it was amazing… i just wish i could have more than the one two bites that i had. .  .*sigh*

oh well – i have my salad!!

haha

tonight for my first juice i had a pine-lime-lemon… which at first was very limey… and i don’t like lime… 😦

but… after a few drinks i got used to it…

recipe:

Pine-Lime-Lemon Juice

1/4 of a large pineapple (about 2 cups of chopped pineapple)
2 celery stalks
1 lemon
1 lime
Piece of ginger root, 1 in./2.5 cm.

i’m not quite that hungry… i woke up at 4:30ish tonight after getting to sleep around 9 am.

so the worst part about allowing food into my diet is two-fold…

one i kind of feel like i failed myself in not being able to make it to ten days…

and two … the most unfounded fear is the fear of gaining any weight that i did lose back immediately…

i weighed myself tonight upon waking up and had gone back up a 1/2 pound… which is nothing really…

but… it ignites paranoia into me…

b/c now i’m closer to rounding up than rounding down… and i’m very much obsessed with my numbers… i know i shouldn’t be… but even as i looked down and had seen a flatter paunch the past couple days, this morning i saw more roundness… now, this might very well be imagined… but… my imagination is what gets the best of me.

it’s what sees the thick person in the mirror…

it’s what causes me extreme panic on the scale…

and haunts my every bite

so is that imagination — or fear…

it’s annoying, i’ll tell you that much…

*sigh*

Juicing – Day 6

Wednesday

i got up super early b/c i couldn’t really sleep… and kittens decided they didn’t want to let me try to sleep anymore…

so i dragged myself out of bed around 3:15 a.m.

messed around doing not a lot for awhile… had my lemon & water at 4:15

did the morning stuff i needed to do… laid back down with husband til 5:20… got up when he left and made a juice and did some other things and then drank the juice…

and i cannot for the life of me remember what the juice this morning was!!!

it was not a normal one… but it was yummy…

at 8:30 i went to lay down b/c i worked at night and needed some type of sleep!!!

well… around 9 am the construction crew started… i was really hoping i would have fallen asleep in that half hour so that it didn’t keep me awake… no such luck…

i tried using husband’s noise cancelling headphones ( i did this on monday when they were out there, and it worked) but today, they hurt my ears too much . . . so, it didn’t work… i tried my hardest to sleep… i did so fitfully and not very much… at 3:15 i said screw it and got up

did some housework… made some dinner for husband… and then made my juices…

tuesday night i had looked on www.rebootwithjoe.com to find more recipes, so i did some of those ones today!

the first one i had was around 7:30 and it was a green ginger ale:
3 green apples 
2 celery sticks
1 large cucumber or 2 smaller cucumbers
1 lime
2” piece of ginger

it was alright… i had extra of it so i gave to husband to drink while i finished making the rest of my juices.

at around 10:30 pm i had another juice that incorporated cauliflower!

it is called Spicy Carrot Juice  and granted the recipe called for golden beets, but… psha – i had some plain old red beets i threw in there… and it wasn’t very spicy at all! recipe:

4  carrots
1/4 head of cauliflower – blanch for 1 minute in boiling water to remove any sneaky bugs (ew!)
1 golden beet (beetroot), peeled  (i used a regular beet)
1 apple
Piece of ginger root, 1 in./2.5 cm. 

i also found out that the 10 day plan includes actual eating.

oops. i did 6 days without eating… so i was talking to husband and he said i could just eat some veggies and fruits and it’d be pretty much the same…

so i debated… b/c i have lost 3.5 pounds at last check and i want to lose another 4 pounds! i have a goal!!!

talked it over with LVG (lovely vegan girl – who is doing the cleanse with me) and we determined the same – that I could probably eat veggies and fruits and possibly nuts without feeling too guilty.

so i had a mixed greens salad with pumpkin seeds and a drizzle of the most organic and natural balsamic vinagrette i could find (b/c i wasn’t at home to make my own!!) it was DELICIOUS… ate that around 1:30 am

i was going to work out today (at work) but i forgot my phone at home so i couldn’t do my planned 28 minute run (using the couch to 5k app) and i was going to work out in our other room… but… the computer in there isn’t working…

thus leaving me no music to accompany my workout…

it may seem like an excuse to you — but i just CANNOT work out without music… it just doesn’t work…

and i’ve tried… it’s just a waste of time…

so i’ll work out when i get home..

but for now i’m drinking a juice i created…

i kind of ran out of a lot of ingredients tonight, so i just threw a bunch of stuff in the juicer, including cauliflower… and some more beets… i don’t even remember  what else is in it, but i’m pretty sure there’s ginger in it b/c it’s kind of spicy!

i have to go to the store today and refresh my stock of produce… all i have left is a cucumber, a ton of celery, and some basil

no way am i going to drink a juice of just that… **YUCK**

Juicing Day 4 & 5

Monday morning – I posted about a little…. at around 10 I had my pineapple mint…

got home, went to bed around 11.

got up around 5 pm, and at 7 had an orange or a red, I don’t remember right now, went back to bed around 9

Tuesday I got up at 4:30, had a water with lemon. . . did a bunch of housework and drank a carrot/apple/orange/lemon/kiwi

yeah I mixed it up a bit and threw in a kiwi… rebel

I went back to bed around 9 am and slept til 1:30 pm… which I was NOT intending to do!!

got up drank some water and did some more laundry, chores, etc. husband got home at 3… was going to go to the store with him, but he fell asleep…

so I went and came back and was super hungry (seeing as I hadn’t had anything since breakfast) I made myself a juice… it was green

it had kale. and celery… and uhh… right… I don’t remember… probably 2 apples and a lemon but some other veggies maybe?? yeah – it was last night I didn’t write it down

BUT

I did weigh myself yesterday and I am down 3.5 pounds!!

yay!!

I kind of want to eat real food again, but I think if I made it 5 days so far, I can make it another 5…

and maybe get down to my super goal weight!! (cuz I already surpassed my first goal weight)

so here’s hoping…

drink juice 🙂

4 pounds away from goal, 9 pounds away from ideal

this morning i weighed myself as per usual. 

i was so excited at what the scale said — i went and woke up husband… i’m sure he didn’t appreciate it too much, but i had to share it with him!!

9 pounds seems so much easier than 11!!!

PLUS that is with me not having worked out in like 2 weeks, besides walks and bike rides… no real gym time… (slacker i know)

today i head back to the gym, and tomorrow i Zumba!!!

-15

so i have lost that stubborn pound that i was stuck on (at least for today) …

i know if i blog about it again, i will gain it back, but i can hope…

i have been very lazy this week… no exercise… i’ve had the intentions to do so, but things have come up and hindered my good intentions. 

i did zumba again last week with a new friend and it kicked my metabolism into the gear it needed to get rid of the weight i had gained last week, which is why i was looking forward to going last night, but i just couldn’t make it.

we have plans to go on monday… even if she can’t, i will drag my lazy ass there… one of the things i don’t like is that it’s so much later than when i go… *shrug* oh well… beggars can’t be choosy…

although, i’m not certain that applies to this situation, it just sounds good.

last night i put on a pair of jeans that i haven’t been able to wear in about a year… it was AMAZING… i’m not down to my goal weight — but i am well on my way…

husband and i ride our bikes at least 20 miles a week… so, that’s helpful…it tones my booty quite nicely. 😉

although this week i have been having issues sleeping and we haven’t gotten out much… but i think we more than made up for it this past weekend with all the running around we did…

🙂

hey now weight a minute

i have lost a grand total of 9 pounds thus far… from when i first started freaking out about my weight ((and we got a scale)) to now… that feels so good!! and tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo… i might want to go out, but i will be very conscious of what i eat… and drink… and sunday i am going to dinner with my m/i/l for Mother’s Day… that will be difficult to watch out on, but that’s why i extended my strict dieting until then… ((with the possible exception of 5May))

but i’m just so happy !! i wish it actually showed!!! i don’t see it.. but, hey, the scale doesn’t lie (at least i hope not!!)

PLUS

that was at the end of the day, so tomorrow — it might be a full 10 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!  AWESOME

and i can wear my pre fat fat jeans… the first ones i got to fit into after i gained weight… (yeah that’s horrible) but they are a smaller size than the ones i bought b/c i couldn’t fit into these ones anymore!!!!!!!!!

 

NOTE:

i have actually lost – 13 pounds… i forgot that i weighed in at an unbelievably disgusting (for me) amount, and now i am 13 pounds less… except that yesterday i gained 2 pounds from indulging… and that sucks, i also didn’t get to go to the gym b/c i was busy, and it wasn’t opened when i thought it was…  my work uniform which i haven’t worn in just a week or two is significantly looser than it has been ever ((since i bought it to fit the fat me )) and that’s pretty dern cool!!!

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